Question: I have been involved with a guy who was dating my roommate. They never officially broke it off; she just went home for the summer.
I really like him and don't know how to tell her or whether I should. I don't know how things will be when we return to school.
I feel like I'm a bitch for getting involved with him and disregarding our friendship; she is one of my best friends. Dating help please!!
I am not sure what you mean by "dating." I assume, since you feel so bad and are writing to this column, that you mean more than just going to the movies. I also assume that your roommate was more involved with this guy than just a casual dating relationship.
Romances may come and go while friendships can last for a lifetime. You may want to ask yourself what is more important to you, a short-term relationship or a long-term friendship?
Should romances be solely a matter of convenience? Just because someone is handy, and expresses interest, does that mean we should follow through? When do we postpone immediate gratification for long-term goals and values?
What are your personal values and does your current behavior demonstrate your integrity? The fact that you feel like a "bitch" suggests that you are not liking yourself.
Is this relationship worth your integrity and self-respect? How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? How would you want your roommate to handle the situation if you were on the receiving end?
And what does this say about your choice in men? Here is a man who is still in a relationship with one of your best friends and chooses to take up with you. Will you be next? What about his character?
I know that my dating help raises more questions than answers. But I believe that if you answer the questions, you will be able to come up with your own conclusions and a course of action.