Advice for Any Man Who's Cheated and Wants to Stay Married
Advice for Any Man Who's Cheated and Wants to Stay Married
By Otto Collins
Ken was just about as surprised as anyone when he had an affair. He's always considered himself a family man and a very devoted husband. The infidelity just seemed to happen...it certainly wasn't part of his grand plan.
Now that Ken has broken up with the woman he was cheating with and everything is out in the open with his wife, he is ready to move on. Ken wants to stay married-- and he'd like to rebuild trust so that one day his wife will trust him again.
If you cheated and you are now trying to restore your love relationship or marriage, you are at a real crossroads in life.
In fact, it' s nearly impossible to truly restore your marriage to the state it once was. You can rebuild trust and you can move closer to your woman...but you can never literally go back to the way things were.
This doesn't mean that you can't enjoy a connected, passionate and healthy relationship with your wife again.
You certainly can.
Here's how you can rebuild trust and reconnect after an affair...
Stay in the marriage for you.
You might be feeling guilty and horrible because you cheated. If so, know that guilt is no reason to remain married.
Yes, you may have a long history with your wife and you may have children who you are worried about being emotionally scarred.
What is in the best interests of everyone in the long-term is for you to be sure that you are committed to-- or are willing to re-commit to-- your relationship with your wife.
Don't stay for her, don't stay for the kids-- stay because you still feel love for your wife. Stay because you look forward to spending time with her and to healing your marriage together.
Give yourself the option to leave or to stay and then freely choose which you are going to do.
Learn from the affair.
As much as you'd probably like to just forget about the affair, don't. I want you to come to a place where you can forgive yourself. But I also encourage you to learn from what happened.
Try to understand what motivated you to cheat in the first place. Are there dynamics between you and your wife that caused distance and disconnection?
Are there needs that you have that are not being met in your marriage?
This isn't about making your wife to blame for your affair.
What it is about is figuring out where there are gaps in your relationship-- and within you-- so that you can take steps to fill them in ways that are in alignment with your decision to remain in this marriage.