5 Stages of Healing After a Break Up (How to Move Through Heartbreak Fast!)

5 Stages of Healing After a Break Up (How to Move Through Heartbreak Fast!)

In this article, I will share with you the 5 typicalstages of healing grief after a break up. However, the way to move through heartbreak fast, is to acknowledge that this is not going to be a linear process. In fact, is normal to go through a roller coaster ride, and move back and forth the 5 stages. So, don't make yourself wrong for your behaviors, thoughts, feelings and actions, and you will do extremely well. Here goes...

Stage 1. To be in denial that your relationship break up is real.

In the beginning, it is difficult to accept that your partner has truly left. It is normal for this process to last from just a few minutes, to even a few months, because we all need to deal with loss in our own time.

You might:

feel numb, or

think you feel fine, or

the thought "this can't be happening" keeps running in your mind.

The stage of denial is often temporary because it's only your subconscious doing it's best to protect you from pain. You are in shock.

Stage 2. Feeling angry towards your ex, yourself and the world around you.

Once you move past the stage of denial, you will visit the emotions of anger and rage. Common thinking during this stage includes:

"How dare he/she doe this to me?",

"It's not fair!",

"Whose fault is it?', etc.

Anger can be very frightening if you're not used to it. But, it is a necessary stage of the healing process. In fact, anger is actually a very powerful emotion that will help you get past your break up. And once you experience anger, you can be sure that you are on the right path towards your emotional healing.

The way to move swiftly through this process is to stop trying to control your anger. Accept that you are angry. And use whatever method you know to express it. For example:

writing all your angry thoughts into a journal,

screaming into a pillow,

hitting a pillow,

doing vigorous exercise, etc.

Let out the painful feelings inside. Don't store it inside, or it can make you sick. I know how difficult it can be, but you must release your anger, or you will get stuck in your grief.

Stage 3. Bargaining for your ex to change his/her mind about your break up, and to return or stay.

Don't worry if you find yourself coming up with schemes to try and get your ex to return. Bargaining is a perfectly normal healing stage in this process, even if you feel you might be going crazy at times. You are simply doing your best to control your future. Typically, you will do almost anything to try and make contact with your ex. This includes:

visiting their normal hangout spots,

asking them to return your stuff,

inventing an emergency to get their attention, etc.

It is painful for your friends and family, who love you, to see you go through this bargaining stage, and they will attempt to control your actions. In fact, your friends and family will give you well-meaning advice to stop contacting your ex, but my advice is, to do what you feel you need to do. Get it out of your system.

Because even though your present behavior may look very unattractive, don't you think you deserve to be with a partner, who can accept how you behave when you are going through a painful emotional process? Truth is: you will need to go through other painful events in your life, like the death of a loved one, job loss, etc. Don't you need a partner who won't run away from your grief?

Another important thing to note about the bargaining stage after healing, is that at some point, you will try to accept all the blame for how things turned out. You do this because you hope so desperately, that if the problem only lied within you, you could do something to change the future. This is a false way of thinking. Your mind is playing tricks on you, because ultimately, this break up is also about your partner's choice.

To make it easier for you to move through the bargaining stage, I suggest you ask your friends for as much support as you can. Whenever you feel that urge to contact your ex, stop for a moment, and see whether you can look for a friend to comfort you instead. It is even more painful to get stuck building the notion, that your ex will be there to comfort you forever.

Another choice, is to grab your journal and write furiously about your break up, and then call a friend to share what you've written. It can be very healing to share the deepest fears that you hold inside, and still feel loved and accepted for who you are.

Do your best to spend time with other people, to help distract yourself. But eventually, I know that you will move through this stage. Once you do, you will feel so much better.

Also, do your best to redirect your focus and attention on something that will help you to improve your life. Hopefully, some action that will bring you closer to your career, financial, social and personal development goals.

Stage 4. Depression about your break up, yourself, and your life in general.

Depression sets in when your mind goes towards the thoughts like:

"I'm so worthless",

"There's nothing left in the world for me to live for",

"There's no point in carrying on", etc.

During the stage of depression, it is important to continue to express your feelings. Feel safe to:

cry if you want to,

moan,

feel sorry for yourself, etc.

Let your emotions flow, because it's only feelings, and they are temporary.

During the depression stage, you may also feel the need to isolate yourself, and spend time alone. This is perfectly normal and should be allowed.

There's no need to force yourself to do anything you don't want to. I'm sure your true friends will understand why you don't feel like partying, give you space to heal, and change their plans to accommodate you.

Remember, during thestages of healing after a break up, your journal is your best friend. Why? Because it will always be available for you to share your thoughts and feelings. Best of all, it will never judge you.

Stage 5. Acceptance that you are going to get through this and be ok.

Once you reach the stage of acceptance, you will find yourself moving through your healing a lot more quickly. In fact you might even soon:

feel a sense of being free.

have a new understanding of how strong your spirit is (as a result of surviving all the frightening thoughts and emotions during these5 stages of healing after a break up.)

learn to accept that only the love in your relationship was real. (The rest were simply projections of your frightened ego mind)

accept that your heart has this great capacity to love, and can love again even though it has been hurt before.

As my final gift to you, if you find yourself getting stuck between the stages of depression and anger, repeat these affirmations:

"It is safe for me to accept change in my life";

"It is safe for me to release my depression and anger";

"It is safe for me to move forward with my life".

As I said before, don't make yourself wrong while you are doing your best to heal after a break up. Encourage yourself and notice how well you are doing. You are surviving!

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