"How Can I Keep My Wife Off My Back and Happy...So that I Can Be Happy?"

By Otto Collins

By Otto Collins

"She's always on my case about something," Sam complains to his buddy about his wife.

To Sam, it seems as if his wife is never satisfied with anything that he says or does. She criticizes the way that he cares for their children, how he paints a wall and even the way that he handles his boss at work.

While Sam loves his wife and wouldn't leave her, for anything, he wishes that she would get "off his back" so that he could relax and enjoy being married to her.

Does it feel like your wife is constantly pushing you to do or be something that you're not?

Perhaps, to you, this comes through in her judging and blaming comments. However you perceive your wife's disapproval of you and how you are living your life, the results are the same... it can feel like you can't be happy until she is happy.

This is only partly true, of course.

If your spouse is upset with you-- and she makes her assessment of you clear-- it probably does have an effect on how you feel. However, if you meet her disapproval and criticisms with the same kind of reaction (disapproval and criticisms), you will undoubtedly only make things worse.

Then, you will be even unhappier than before!

Here's what to do to improve your marriage and your overall enjoyment of your life too...

#1: Be honest.

Too often, men shrug it off when they feel like their woman is "on their back." It can seem like the easier and safer response to make. However, this will usually only cause you more upset and conflict down the road-- within yourself and with your spouse.

Instead, be honest both with yourself and with your woman.

Notice it when you feel irritated, angry, sad or hurt. Being a man is NOT pretending that you are so stoic that you have no feelings.

You can let your woman know that the way that she communicated to you her displeasure with a choice you made hurt your feelings was annoying. You can create some "communication rules" with your woman so that you both talk to one another in ways that are not put downs.

It is possible to be both honest AND respectful as you and your woman stay connected while being true to what you think and feel in the moment.

#2: Own your role.

It's tempting in any relationship to focus mostly on how the other person-- in this case, your wife-- is causing all of the problems. Take responsibility for your share (no more, no less) of whatever the dynamic is between you and your spouse.

If you feel like she's always on your case for not following through with your promises, be willing to assess whether or not she has a point. You don't have to play the "bad guy" in order to own your role.

Let her know that you can hear what she's saying and tell her what you plan to do to improve the situation or change your habit. At the same time, you can suggest ways that your woman might support you by changing a few habits of her own that lead to disconnection. Do this gently and with love.

#3: Open up to solutions where you both "win."

Chances are, if you feel as if your woman is on your case and critical, there's probably something that she wants you to do that you don't want to do.

It may be that you agreed to take care of a task that you did not want to take care of just to end the conversation and move on. But, now that the whole issue has resurfaced (because you didn't do what you promised to do), you are faced, yet again, with the disagreement between you and your woman.

Be honest and acknowledge that you just don't agree. Invite your spouse to look for solutions with you that will help you both feel like you've "won," instead of an "I win- you lose" situation.

These solutions are out there. You might need to be creative and open your mind more than it is now, but they are available to you.

"How Can I Keep My Wife Off My Back and Happy...So that I Can Be Happy?"

By: Susie and Otto Collins

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