Why Men Leave (The Fantasy Relationship)
Why Men Leave (The Fantasy Relationship)
Why Men Leave (The Fantasy Relationship)
"What is life without a girl friend?" asks Jimmy, a tall, forty-five year previous Sicilian man, an irresistible charmer. "I never say smart-bye to at least one without a few a lot of waiting in the wings," he says. "It keeps me going. Is that thus unhealthy?" Then he flashes his boyish grin.
Although he never stays long, Jimmy has strong opinions on male female relationships. "There is a conflict of roles, with no roles clearly defined. "Women need monogamous relationships. Men don't need to induce trapped. Men get guilty about leaving though. Believe it or not, it's onerous to leave. We men do get guilty. No matter we tend to do we finish up feeling like rats."
Underneath all this are his feelings of dependency. Jimmy believes a person is nothing compared to a woman."A person very desires a woman to run the show," he says easily. "A guy does not understand what's going on. However he conjointly desires the girl to let him suppose he's running it. If women could only understand that -boy. It's a refined thing.
Commenting on this issue, Dr. Robert Berk, says, "There are many men who can't tolerate their own dependency on women as a result of they expertise it as emasculating. They therefore withdraw. Some downgrade the girl to form her appear a ton less valuable than she very is to them." Jimmy compensates by having as many women around as he can. This method he will not be the one to be left - an unbearable ego blow.
"A person likes a sturdy girl," Jimmy continued, "but she ought to be strong in subtle ways. So as to own a very terrific girl that he would not want to depart, a man has got to be assured that his love was robust enough for her so she wouldn't go somewhere else. Good ladies are too much for most men."
When Jimmy finally found the woman of his dreams, he saw her twice, and once that, wouldn't ever see her again. "The magic was really something. I held her shut, we laughed a heap, she was terrific. Neither people might part. It absolutely was perfect. At the top of the night we didn't take every different's numbers. We tend to just had our night and said sensible-bye. We have a tendency to each said to each different we have a tendency to hoped we have a tendency to never saw every different again. You see, we have a tendency to created this unimaginable illusion for 2 nights, but might we have a tendency to do it once more?
Once what happened that night, well, it can't get higher than that? I'm gonna live off that memory the rest of my life." For Jimmy, and many men like him, being really happy, and affirmed in love can solely happen in the world of illusion.
He resolve to hold onto this woman and also the two nights they spent together precisely as they'd been. He required it badly. At all prices he didn't need the fantasy to be destroyed, or to work out aspects of himself or her that didn't match in.
When a man is seeking illusion, fantasy, and escape from painful conflict or feelings of low shallowness, a transient, magical expertise, in which no one is tested, becomes a substitute for real love. A fantasy love can not be threatened or damaged. It conjointly can not be taken away. After all, the contradiction inherent in this example is that holding onto this fantasy keeps the possibility of ongoing, sustaining love away.
http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/why-men-leave-the-fantasy-relationship-4462916.html
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