The Real Reason Children Talk Back To Parents
Never in a million years would I have ever thought about talking back to my parents
. I was petrified of my father's temper!
Back-talking is usually the result of anger toward a parent, coupled with an I-don't-care attitude.
I may have felt angry towards my parents at times, but I would keep my thoughts to myself because having any type of argument with them would have been futile. In my home, parents always had the upper hand. It was only natural. Parents had respect, whether they deserved it or not.
Some children believe they have the right to talk back because the right to free speech has been interpreted as a law applicable to all, children included, and regardless of the words.
I used to tell my kids they DO have rights: to food, clothing, and shelter - which I provided. But they didn't have the right to talk back to me.
My speeches didn't help. My 13-year-old son was especially guilty of back-talking. The old-fashioned wash-your-mouth-out-with-soap only aggravated the situation with more struggling, anger, and resentment.
Grounding for his abusive backtalk did not help, either; he simply ignored and out-powered my small frame.
It was only after-the-fact that I realized why this once sweet child had turned on me. I had taken him away from his friends and other family members when I moved away following a divorce. He acutely resented me. After all, I had not asked his permission or conferred with the children about what I was doing with my new life.
When a child reverts to back-talking, that child has lost respect for the parent or has come to believe they are stronger and more powerful than the parent, or they've been hurt by divorce, etc., and anger is the only emotion they can use to express that hurt.
Children express themselves in many ways when angry; back-talking, pouting, slamming the doors, stomping their feet, running away, etc. These are actions and reactions that can be controlled, but if the parent has no understanding of the reaction, they're not able to deal with it in an intelligent manner.
A child's negative reaction to a parent's action usually ends up with unfair punishment to the child.
Understanding WHY the child is back-talking you is necessary. Sit down with your child and discuss feelings and emotions. Tell them why you've made the decisions you did. If the child is small, perhaps relate them to a story.
In the long run, the child needs an understanding from you, but you also need to understand the child's point of view. We need to put ourselves into their shoes before we can expect them to ever walk in ours.
Failure to do so will result in years of resentment.
by: Gail Gupton
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