Getting Over a Break Up and Moving on After Separation
Getting Over a Break Up and Moving on After Separation
Are you feeling the strain of getting over a break up? finding it difficult moving on after separation? Sometimes the heart-ache drives folks mad with frustration. One minute just wanting to hear their voice when you miss them and the next minute you want to ring their necks for hurting you. It's all part of the process everyone goes through when getting over a break up is at the top of the agenda.
It has actually been compared to the loss of a loved one in death. I haven't had to mourn an ex in that way but I can imagine it does have some truth to it. When someone dies we go through the period of mourning. The same happens when you are moving on after separation. You mourn the love you lost. The reason some say this is more difficult to the traditional grief we would feel when we lose someone is the support that we get from friends and relatives around us.
Society can understand and associate with the loss and always come forward to offer their support and condolences. Getting over a break up though is a different matter. You are all of a sudden isolated and have to deal with moving on after separation on your own. Some family will be supportive and others will hinder the process with in-sensitivities to your feelings.
The Never Ending Story - Write The Longest Heart-Felt Letter Of Your Life
The first thing to do when getting over a break up is to grab yourself a bit of paper. Actually an A4 notepad. Write a letter about your break up. Put down all the emotions you are feeling both good and bad. The fact that you look forward to getting over a break up and finally moving on after separation to a whole new fun-filled life. Why it is that you feel this way and what your old love did to hurt you. Get it all down on paper, all your frustrations and heartache that they've caused. If you need to get a bit of name calling in there, go ahead and take the anger out on paper. Only you will ever know what you put down, as once you have done that, put a light to it.
Some categorize this as a ritual but it is really just an emotional motivator to help people getting over a break up. As you watch that letter go up in smoke you'll see all the feelings and lost love go with it.
Arrange To Exchange
Once that's out the way you can really start moving on after separation. The next stage you can make arrangements to exchange your and theirs stuff back to where they should be. Get your stuff into your place and your ex to take their stuff to theirs. If they're living somewhere temporary ask them to kindly get some storage place. They'll be able to find cheap rental lots to put their stuff in until they fix themselves up. Agree on a time to get things exchanged and that'll be the worst part done. You should find getting over a break up easier after this part.
Box Up Gifts
Since getting over a break up is really hard for you just now I'm making an assumption that you have been in this relationship for some time. That's what usually makes it next to impossible for someone to immediately start moving on after separation. Throughout the time you'll more than likely have accumulated a lot of gifts from your old partner. These are going to serve as daily reminders of the good times you had together.
What you can do is take all those gifts you have and box them up. Put them in the attic, basement or junk closet. Whichever you use to pile in all your disused clutter. We all have them. Don't worry. I've a spare room full of unorganized stuff from sewing machines to never used exercise equipment. Put all your gifts in whatever storage space you have. Try and keep them altogether so you can find them later though. It'll help while you are getting over a break up but you will eventually want them again.
The Financial Matters
Then there's going to be the financial matters that will need tending to. If there is debts owed by either person, try to straighten that out first. You don't want to be having contact for stressful situations like debt. Discuss taking separate financing to settle any debts owed together. If you have joint accounts, try to agree how any savings and balances are going to be split and set a date to close the accounts. Both of you will usually need to be present to close the accounts jointly.
The Pattern Emerges
By this stage you should be seeing the pattern emerging. Think back to the start here. We started with moving on after separation from the top by writing that letter to get all the frustrations out, then you can move to making the arrangements to get all their stuff out your sight, getting the gifts boxed up, maybe getting storage to put the things away and then getting the finances tended to.
Can you see the pattern emerging? Getting over a break up can become a lot simpler by breaking things down into small manageable chunks that you can work with. That's what I hope you get from reading this. The sense that moving on after separation does get easier.
Don't Forget The 30 day no contact stage
After putting all the effort into getting over a break up so you can start moving on after separation the last thing you'll want to do is make things more difficult by continuing to be in touch with your ex. All the above is a lot of work getting done to take all the contact opportunities out the equation. Stick with it and set the boundaries. Make an agreement that you want to have 30 days without seeing, speaking or hearing their voice anywhere around you. I don't mean for you to put it like that but getting over a break up is easier when you don't have them constantly pushing themselves to the front of your mind.
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