Three years ago one of the first articles I wrote was about domestic violence and all the inequities associated with it
. Two young women in my life were victims-one was my daughter whose husband broke her arm. Since then I have tried to keep up with the problem without much luck.
The issue doesn't get a lot of press or maybe enough press is a better way of saying it. It is as I called it back then "America's Dirty Little Secret." To me it is a national disgrace the way women are treated in our sophisticated society. As bad as it is here we are way better than many countries in the world.
Back on topic! It is my humble opinion that abusive men learn how to be abusive growing up from their dads and friends of their dads. The training ground for boys/young men is when they start dating.
As teenagers start their dating experiences most young girls don't know what to expect and don't have very high standards sad to say. So when abusive or controlling tendencies start they are not sure if that is common or not and since they are greatly motivated by peer pressure they don't seek guidance or help.
The Liz Claiborne Corporation has done some interesting studies over the years on teen research specifically the frequency of dating violence in their lives. Among many findings is that 80% of teens know a dating abuse victim, 47% victimized personally by controlling behaviors and nearly one in 3 experience sexual or physical abuse or threats.
Teens often feel the need to have a "serious" relationship perhaps because of peer pressure or for their own self esteem. Many teens suffer from low self esteem.
"And those teens in serious relationships report by nearly a 2 to 1 margin more abuse, controlling and even violent behavior compared to other teens.
The study also showed that:
- 20% in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed
- 30% report being worried about their physical safety
- 64% report controlling behavior
- 55% compromise their values to please their partner
- 61% reported having a partner who made them feel bad or embarrassed about themselves
- 25% report being in a relationship where their partner put them down or called them names
- 29% said they were pressured to have sex they do not want
- 50% of young women worry that their partner will break up with them if they do not agree to engage in sex."
While this is just one study there are more like it that show teenagers grow up in a society that frowns on adult domestic violence. At the same time they start in high school learning the nuances of how to abuse and control. Do they learn on their own or do they learn from their abusive parents? The eternal question!
Education is the key to resolving this difficult issue. School, parents, church, civic organizations all can be helpful in providing the education.