Do Married People Ever Fall Back in Love? If So, Why? And How?
Do Married People Ever Fall Back in Love? If So
, Why? And How?
Since I often write about saving your marriage or your relationship and bringing the love back, obviously, my answer to this question is a resounding yes. Not only did the methods I will discuss in this article contribute to my own husband falling back in love with me, they have helped many others as well.
The truth is, you only need to look around for the confirmation that people fall back in love all of the time. Couples break up and get back together. They divorce and remarry. They have serious, real problems and they work them out and go on to have very happy, successful and loving relationships.
There is actually a pretty well known study that followed couples who had serious problems in their marriage and were at a cross road. Of the couples who stuck it out and committed to working through their problems, 85% considered themselves as happy in their marriage 5 years later. Obviously then, it's very possible to fall back into a happy and loving place with a bit of a work and a decent plan. This article will discuss ways that you will do just that.
Why People "Fall Out Of Love": Many couples (myself included) make the mistake of thinking that their spouse, partner, or significant other has fallen out of love with them for external reasons like cheating, infidelity, or crises situations and times of highly stressful situations.
Although these things can strain a relationship and contribute to symptoms that precede losing intimate feelings and closeness, they are not the sole or even the most significant cause.
More often than not, the real cause of falling out of love is that one or both partners are struggling with feelings and / or perceptions about themselves. Although lost feelings of intimacy and connectedness are a red light and warning sign of a marriage or relationship in trouble, often what is really happening is that the relationship is no longer eliciting positive feelings in your spouse, partner or love one about themselves. Notice I said themselves. Not you.
So many people assume that a relationship turning distant has everything to do with what they are doing wrong or where they have failed. It often is not. It often has more to do with what is NOT going on with the person who has "fallen out of love." I'll explain.
The reasons that people become deeply in love have to do with the feelings you are able to bring out in them about themselves. The relationship makes them feel competent, attractive, desirable, unique,and compelling. More, when relationships are shiny and new, we lavish a lot of time and attention on them. The result is a strong, intimate, and connected relationship that reflects the time put into it. As a result, it makes both parties feel as if they are on top of the world and the only two people in it who really matter.
But, life happens. We have to start paying attention again to our responsibilities, jobs, and other loved ones in our lives. This is completely understandable. We all do it. But, it can leave your partner feeling neglected, vulnerable, and let down, because now the positive feelings they were feeling about themselves and about you are lessening.
Over time, this contributes to his or her experiencing more negative than positive feelings about the relationship until they are eventually not in love anymore.
How To Get The Original Feelings Of Love, Commitment, And Empathy Back: The methods you use to get the positive feelings to return will depend greatly on where you are in your relationship right now.
If you have already split up, you will have to move slowly and take more smaller steps, but the results will be the same if you are successful.
If you're still in the relationship and just feel a distance or void, you'll likely have an easier time because you have a present and captive audience.
So, your goal in getting your loved one to "fall back in love" is to restore, return, and replace the negative feelings with the positive ones that your partner used to associate with his or herself.
The key is to know when and if it is an appropriate time to move forward. It's vitally important that this never feels fake or like game playing. If your partner gets wind that you have a plan, he's likely going to dig his heels in even more. And, you should not participate in any behaviors that will elicit negative feelings and push them further away.
That means no engaging, arguing, debating, repeatedly questioning them, pushing their buttons, or bombarding them with messages and texts they don't want right now. In the end, you want them to WANT to get the positive feelings back and to "fall back in love" on their own. You want them to think this has all been their own idea.
To do this, you need to present them with the person they first fell in love with. This is usually someone who is light hearted, open, fun, and laid back.
Once you've successfully done all these things, your loved one is receptive to you, the feelings have returned, and you've "fallen back in love," you can then work on addressing the problems that contributed to the break down in intimacy, but I feel you shouldn't attempt this until the relationship is back on strong ground. If you move too early, this could push your loved one further away.
I had to use this approach when I trying to save my marriage (and was the only one who wanted to). This approach can be used to return the love in any relationship I made a lot of mistakes, but eventually I was able to change course and regain my husband's interest. Over time (and taking calculated baby steps), I was able to reestablish intimacy and bring back his love. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
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