Catch4catch Com Jewish Women & Jewish Men (100% Free)
Getting the Date
Getting the Date
Our years of experience as therapists and dating mentors have taught us that there is a route to dating success that works for everyone. It doesnt matter if a couple is yeshivish, modern Orthodox, traditional, or secular the pattern for successful dating for marriage is the same. This four part article will explain the Pattern for Dating Success and how each person can adapt it to their own life.
Weve divided the dating process into four different stages. A person who understands each stage will have more realistic expectations of how their courtship should proceed from first date to engagement and marriage, and will be able to avoid a number of difficulties that some dating couples encounter.
How to Get the Date
Most married couples say that they first meet when someone a friend, co-worker, relative, neighbor, or matchmaker - introduced them to each other. Yet, its surprising how many singles are having difficulty meeting suitable potential dates. People who want to set them up may not understand what they are looking for, or the daters family and friends may not be accustomed to setting people up. If the single is newly observant, they may not know enough people who can introduce them to suitable dating partners. Or, perhaps they are new to the city, or many people dont think they need help with dating because their family is prominent or because they are such a great person there are bound to be a lot of people who are interested in them.
Adina is a 24-year-old accountant who lives in a mid-sized city. She dated young men from many cities on the East Coast, because there were very few men in this town. One day, a family friend had a sudden inspiration. Why didnt Adina go out with Josh, who came from a lovely family from the other side of town? The friend knew both sets of parents and their children, but had never thought of the match before. The suggestion turned out to be excellent, and Adina, Josh and their happy families are working to find a shidduch (match) for the daughter of the friend who brought them together.
Adina and Joshs experience shows that we can never be sure where a good idea will come from. Each single should have a network of friends, family members, rabonim, former teachers, acquaintances, neighbors, co-workers and even matchmakers who are actively looking to introduce them to potential dates. Most people do not have ready-made networks; they will have to cultivate relationships with people who can help them, let these people know about their goals in life and the type of person they are looking for, and periodically touch base with them. All of us need occasional reminders to look for potential shidduchim , because life gets hectic at times and we sometimes forget to keep our single friend in mind. If a single man or woman is too embarrassed to periodically check in with the people in their network, they should ask a friend or family member to help do this.
Introductions arent the way for a marriage-minded man or woman to meet a good person to date. Its a good idea to explore every venue that is compatible with your lifestyle and worldview. These can include Jewish Internet dating sites, small-scale events such as Shabbatons and get-togethers, Friday night dinners with married couples and single guests, Jewish education classes, clubs, and chesed projects. Same-gender events can be excellent opportunities for networking.
How can you know whether its a good idea to accept a suggestion from a relative, friend, or matchmaker? What should you be looking for when you meet someone interesting at a Shabbaton or class? Youll find some of the answers to these questions in Getting Ready to Date For Marriage"
Breaking the Ice at the First Meeting
Lets look at a first date that friends have arranged between Devora and Ezra. Theyve each made an effort to look nice and are looking forward to their meeting. What will make it more likely that they will have a pleasant time and want to see each other again? First, each of them should be realistic about the purpose of this meeting. It is to break the ice, and nothing more. We like to use the phase airplane talk to describe the type of conversation that should take place on a first date. This is the kind of informal conversation a person might have with a seatmate on an airplane trip discussions about hobbies, interesting anecdotes, what we are currently doing with our lives, something notable about our surroundings, or our opinion on a current topic of interest. We stay away from talking about deeply personal matters or emotions - this should wait until a couple has gotten to know each other well. As one single put it, I am so easy to talk to that men sometimes tell me their deepest, darkest secrets on our first date. It turns me off. I wonder what kind of person would bare his soul to someone he doesnt even know.
One of the biggest mistakes Devora or Ezra can make is to think, I cant imagine being married to my date. Of course they cant; they dont even know each other. Theyll have to learn how to push this thought away until theyve dated long enough to know each other well. Otherwise, they may never get past their first date.
We call the first date an ice breaker because its a mere prelude to a second date. If Devora and Ezra see some nice qualities in each other, or even if they dont have strong positive or negative feelings about each other, they should go out again. It may take a few more dates for them to learn more about one another and decide that they like each other well enough to move to the stage of Developing a Relationship
by: David Greenberg
Incontinence Pants For Men Lets Boomers Keep On Rockin' Best Man Speeches For A Wedding Excellent Points to remember When Giving Best Man Speech Jokes in making Your Speech Hilarious and Amusing The Man with the Briefcase How To Get A Man to Chase You Around - Here Are The Tips To Pull Any Guy Towards You The Best Relationship Advice For Men From Relationship Experts Why Do Men Leave In Relationships? These Are The Reasons Why Guys Leave Easy Great Benefits Of Yoga Exercises For All Age Men And Women With Yogaseekers Dating Tips for Men - What To Do When She Seems to Be Pulling Away From You Iron Man Shiny Metallic Super Hero Zentai Suit Cheap Iron Man Shiny Metallic Super Hero Zentai Suit Funny Best Man Speech – How to Keep Your Humor Naturally Become Iron Man this Halloween Anti Aging Skin for Men - What are The Best Anti Aging Skincare Products for Men