5 Ways to Stay Connected In Your Marriage
5 Ways to Stay Connected In Your Marriage
Remember those feelings when you first started dating? The butterflies in your stomach, the excitement of thinking when you would see or talk to your special someone and the new experiences you discovered together. What happens at about 5 or 6 years into your marriage when those feelings are well worn and the children are clamoring for your attention, or the workload is overwhelming, and the day to day tasks get in the way? I remember learning in my high school sociology class that most divorces happen at about 7 years of marriage. That does not seem like a long time to me, but it is long enough for all of those things I mentioned above to push their way into first place. So, what is the secret to a long, happy marriage? The secret is hard work and being purposeful!
One of the most important things in a marriage, in my opinion, is staying connected. There are so many other things in our lives that demand our attention. We need to make it a priority in our marriage to connect on a deep level every day. Here are five ways to do that.
1. Pray together every day. This is the simplest thing you can do together, and it connects you on an intimate, spiritual level that keeps your marriage strong and healthy. Recently, I heard the following statistic: only 2% of couples pray together every day. If you pray together every day, the odds of divorce go from 1 in 2, to 1 in 1,052. That is proof right there of how vital this connection point is. My husband and I have done this every night, including our dating days. Even if one of us is on a trip overnight, we still pray over the phone if at all possible. It is such a habit now that we don't even think about it anymore. It's just part of our daily ritual.
2. Daily check-in. Sadly, there are many couples who don't even talk to each other more than a couple of minutes each day because of so many other distractions that creep in. Make a point to check-in' with your spouse each day. Make it an opportunity to get beyond the how was your day?' questions and get to the heart. Once the kids are in bed and things are quiet, use that time to connect. Or, if you are morning people, get up a few minutes earlier each day to have coffee together and start the day off connecting before the busyness begins.
3. Regular date nights. Whether you have kids or not, make it a point to get away from your home and do something fun together. These date nights should be focused on each other, not what little Johnny did at school that day. You can have a date with very little expense, or even none at all. The point is to connect with each other on a fun level enjoying a new restaurant, taking a moonlit walk or something that gets you out of your usual space. My husband and I have often fallen into the trap of doing grocery shopping or other necessary errands on our date' night. It's easy to do when that is your only opportunity away from the children. But, I encourage you to make a point to actually have a fun date and experience something together.
4. Participate in a hobby together. In a marriage, each individual will most likely have different interests and hobbies. But, I think it's important to have something similar that you can share together. Maybe it's a sport like skiing or hiking; maybe it's watching a certain type of movie or cooking together. My husband loves to golf, and I enjoy scrapbooking. But, together, we love to take walks, watch movies and travel together. We have our separate interests, but we really enjoy being together and look for new things to do and discover together.
5. Gut check. Besides the daily check-in, a gut check' is vital to connecting in your marriage. A gut check is a time to really talk about something that may be bothering you, or an issue that has come up that needs your attention (financial, for example). I heard a speaker once say that he and his wife make it a point to get away each week, even if it's to the mall food court, to talk about an issue where they need to get on the same page. This is the time to discuss those issues that are eating at you. Do you need to develop a financial plan or a discipline plan for the kids, or work on the communication struggles you may have? It could be any number of things, but it is necessary to stay connected on a deep level. This helps clear the air. A key point to remember is that the gut check' should be a time that each spouse feels safe to share deep feelings without the threat of anger or shut down.
These are very simple and easy ways to keep a connection in your marriage. I challenge you to give them a try. Keep your marriage the priority it needs to be. You won't be disappointed!
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