subject: Counselling - Men and Their Feelings [print this page] Biology and social conditioning are primarily responsible for the vast differences between men and women on the topic of feelings. Men may not be as opposed to talking about feelings as much as women think, just not necessarily the kind of feelings women are comfortable sharing.At the end of a difficult day for both individuals, a married couple comes together. There was lots of problems and things didn't go smoothly. For most women, talking about the challenges she faced during the day is what she'd like to do. Most men want to forget about their challenges at the end of a hard day.In situations like this it's common for a wife to feel that she is being treated rudely by her husband. They simply want to connect with their man and spend some time together. When a woman trys to connect with her man in order to share information about her problems, he seems to shut her out. What's the matter with him? Doesn't he care about me?What's going on here?Being alone is a woman's greatest fear. The desire for intimacy and connection is her greatest desire. As a result, if she has a choice between sharing no news or sharing bad news, she will usually choose to share bad news. She wants to get a sense from her husband that she is not alone in the challenges she faces, that they are facing them together.Being incompetent is a man's greatest fear. The ability to be responsible is his greatest desire. He wants to have the capacity to stand on his own two feet, to have the ability to respond. He can end up feeling that he is failing his wife if he is to share with her the things that didn't go well for him during the day.Strangely enough, some of the husbands with the strongest loving dedication to their wives and children have the greatest difficulty sharing their challenges with them. They want to prevent their family from experiencing the burden they are carrying. It's an admirable trait, this desire to protect the family from harm. It does have a dark side though because it doesn't allow a man to recieve his wife's insights and support.A husband's ability to provide for and protect his family has been his primary role for most of recorded history. His ability to open up emotionally and share his feelings in a constructive manner with his wife wasn't a defining trait in what made him a successful husband. His ability to endure hardships at work and in battle to ensure the family's welfare is what was most important in defining his accomplishments as a husband and father. Although expectations regarding marriage and intimacy have changed over the last couple generations, the stoic male warrior is still a primary role men are conditioned for.
Counselling - Men and Their Feelings
By: Chris Keenan
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