subject: What Is The Number 1 Grounds Of Marriage Breakup? [print this page] A marriage breakup can come about for any number of reasons. Before you accept the standard reasons given for marriage breakups consider the possibility that there is one important marital skill that if mastered could do away with many of the problems in marriage that contribute to divorce.
Regrettably many couples with marriage troubles are unaware of the powerful benefits of marital communication skills and how to apply them in saving a marriage.
"What if you wanted to speak to your spouse about something in your marriage that you believed needed to be fixed and your partner rolled their eyes and walked away when you attempted to talk to them about it... Or even worse, what if your spouse diminished you and called you names for bringing up the subject? How would that make you feel? How do you think you would feel if this kept happening over a long period?.
The above scenario shows a lack of communication skills by one or both of the spouses that could be highly detrimental to a marriage and potentially lead to a marriage breakup.
Marital Communication Skills Can Stop Marriages Troubles .
A large number of married couples suffer from a lack of marital communication skills which can lead to substantial marriage troubles. A Big percentage of marriage communication is learning how to listen to your spouse.
First Improve Your Listening Skills.
We all like to feel that others value what we think, especially our spouse. By affording your partner the courtesy of listening to what they have to say goes a long way towards improving your relationship. The intent of listening is to understand what your partner is attempting to communicate to you and what they are feeling. Frequently in marital conversations, instead of really listening to what our spouse is saying we are concentrating our thoughts on what we want to say next.
Below are some listening tips :.
1. Listen respectfully.
2. Do not interrupt - allow your spouse to finish what they are saying.
3. Give your spouse clues that you are listening to what they are saying. (i.e., body language, making eye contact, etc).
4. Do not attempt to dominate the conversation.
5. Do not roll your eyes and make annoying sounds.
6. Remember that emotions are simply expressing how someone is feeling. Emotions are not right or wrong they are simply emotions. Resist the urge to tell your spouse how they should feel. Simply listen. An effective listening skill would be to summarize what your spouse has said (after they finish) in a non judgmental way.
7. Control the urge to challenge every statement your spouse makes-let them finish.
8. Control your emotions.
Improve How You Communicate .
Communicating with your spouse may sound like a elementary thing, but if you are going through problems in marriage there is a good chance that communication has broken down between you and your spouse.
Communication Tips - Talking to Your Spouse.
1. Do not yell, scream or blame - oftentimes simple misunderstandings turn into serious conflict because of negative words that are thrown at each other.
2. Do not bring up ancient history.
3. Stay away from using arguments such as "you never", "you always".
4. Try not to have conversations when you are highly angry or emotional - give yourself time to calm down.
5. Compliment your spouse on a regular basis - compliment them on their talents and accomplishments - compliment them in private public.
6. Remember the term "give to get".
7. Speak to your spouse in a way that shows that you respect them and their opinions.
8. Have you ever had a conversation and the other person did not show any response or give an indication that they were listening to you? Give some form of acknowledgment when communicating with your spouse.
9. Understand that gender differences have some effect on how we communicate and interpret conversations with each other. What may seem apparent to the wife may not be apparent to the husband and vice versa. Taking the time to communicate with your spouse and understanding what they are saying is a good thing.
10. Who is right and who is wrong? ... Stay away from the habit of constantly showing your spouse that you are right and they are wrong. If this becomes a significant part of your communication pattern you are sabotaging your relationship with each other. Although there is nothing inappropriate with believing that you are right, it's a problem when being right becomes more important than your spouse or your marriage.
Poor communication skills are often responsible for arguments and other marital conflict. It can lead to one or both spouses feeling unloved, unappreciated and can ultimately threaten the survival of your marriage. Often things that are said are misunderstood because of poor communication skills and listening skills.
The essence of marital communication is for each partner to carefully listen and sympathize with what the other is saying and feeling.
by: JHams
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