subject: 7 Reasons Why You Fail at Dating [print this page] Whenever I meet single people who are attractive, engaging, and kind, and they tell me their reasons why they can'tor don'tdate, it's frustrating. Because I know it doesn't have to be that way. To substantiate their opinions, they often have three or four friends who feel the same, and when they get together with their beliefs, they reinforce their unwritten law: dating is impossible. However, the reasons they give have nothing to do with why they sit at home alone.
Are you also someone who can't date because you have reasons? Are you too old, fat, thin, rich, poor, tall, short, uneducated, educated, shy, or talkative? Do you assume that the world is NOT populated with single attractive dates you would be interested inor who would be interested in you? In a country with over 110 million singles, do you believe, "There's no one out there?"
Let's identify the seven REAL reasons why you fail at dating and turn it around.
Reason #1 Your Attitude Lacks Optimism
Surely you know by now that "what you believe, you achieve." A negative attitude will send people running from you. When you mix an attitude of hopelessness or cynicism with some old heavy baggage that hasn't been worked through, you have the main reasons why you aren't dating.
Solution: Re-script any negative phrases you hear yourself say. Affirm your wins and your good deeds. Whittle down the time you spend with negative people, redirect their unproductive conversations, and set out today to find the help you need to unpack the baggage.
Reason #2 You Are Not Seizing Opportunities
It's simply incredible how many people truly, deeply want to meet someone and do nothing about it. If you miss the dance, party, or reunion because you're "too busy," then you are letting chances pass you by.
Solution: Make a dating plan to get connected socially with people once or twice a week. Go to singles events, take a class, attend a conference, sign up for a dating site, or join a recreation team.
Reason #3 You Aren't Getting Ready
How can you meet "Wonderful" if you aren't feeling wonderful? Your issues may be as simple as pulling your wardrobe or your living environment together. And they may be as complicated and difficult as depression, addiction or job loss.
Solution: You aren't ready to date until you take some actions toward resolving what's holding you back. Your problems may seem hopelessbut they aren't. Help is out there for you.
Reason #4 You're Out of Balance
If you say one thing, act in another, and think something else, you are out of alignment. When you are out of balance, the signs are: hiding the truth, overspending, gossiping, bragging, running yourself down, disorganization, and clutter.
Solution: Getting organized and de-cluttering is something you can do right now. The bigger challenges of bringing your words, actions and deeds into balance require getting in touch with your values. This how you honor your deeper qualities that are longing to be expressed and fulfilled. And this is how you become attractive.
Reason #5 You Have a Narrow Vision
If you are limiting your choices because of a narrow criterion of age and looks then you have closed the door on dating. Yes, you want to tell people you'd like to meet someone. No, you don't want to get too specific about height, weight, age, or profession.
Solution: Expand your "picture" of a potential date. Stay open to possibilities. Tell friends you want to meet "someone wonderful." And get to know people before you judge themyou may discover they have the values and a sparkle you love.
Reason #6 You're Hanging On To Someone Else
It could be your ex, or someone you have had a long-term crush on, or even someone who is married. Either waythis person is not available. And as long your focus is on this personyou're not available either.
Solution: Don't let an illusion of how or what you want someone to be seduce you into standing still. Change your focus and your thoughts and decide you're going to do things differently. Obsessing on an unavailable person is a way to keep you from finding the life you want and deserve.
Reason #7 You Allow Limited Choices
You have to meet enough people to realize you have choices. If you don't, you may find one person and then obsess on why it won't work, or how you want him to change, or why he won't commit.
Solution:Broaden your dating base. Don't stop dating others because you met someone who isn't really "it".
Your reasons for not dating have been busted. Now it's time to follow through on the solutions. You have a new script, which reads: 7 reasons why I'm good at dating. You can definitely bea SAVVY dater.
7 Reasons Why You Fail at Dating
By: Tonja Weimer
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