subject: Ministry To Women: 5 Things You Should Never Do When Ministering To Women In Difficult Marriages [print this page] Are you involved in ministry to women in difficult marriages? If so, here are the five things you should never do when ministering to a Christian woman in a difficult marriage.
Don't be judgmental. It is easy to judge her feelings and actions. She is struggling, and if she is honest will tell you things about her reactions to her marital problems that may lead you to tell her she is wrong. This isn't helpful. She is doing the best she knows how to do and needs validation, grace, mercy, and support.
Don't assume you know what you would do in her situation. It is easy to give answers on what to do in a difficult marriage, but it is incredibly hard to do them when you are entangled in one. You don't really know what you would do, unless you are actually experiencing it.
Don't give advice. Be careful of giving advice, unless you really understand the dynamics in the marriage and the ramifications of any advice you might offer. Only give advice that leads her to get support from groups, agencies, individuals who have experience, or licensed professionals.
Don't minimize her problems. It is always tempting to tell someone that the problems aren't that bad in an attempt to make the person feel better, but it isn't helpful, because it invalidates the pain and the truth.
Don't give super-spiritual canned responses such as these:
a. "Let Jesus be your husband."
b. "Submit to your husband."
c. "Love your husband."
d. "Trust God."
e. "Just keep praying."
f. "It takes two."
g. "There's still hope."
h. "You can't divorce."
Each of these canned responses causes pain and confusion and increases the chance she will feel you don't understand and that she will continue to respond in the way she has been responding.
These are the five things you should never do in your ministry to a Christian woman in a difficult marriage. If you don't do them, you will be able to offer her true validation and support.
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by: Karla Downing
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