subject: Why Wedding Counseling Does not Work Anymore [print this page] Why Wedding Counseling Does not Work Anymore
You never thought it would happen to you. However now here you are today... faced with the most necessary call of your life.
No matter what circumstances led to this condition of your marriage, all that doesn't matter anymore. All that matters now is that you wish to find a answer to your marriage problems. You desperately want to stay your family together, however the matter is - you would like a solution that works.
Most people think that when marriages take a flip for the worst; the sole resolution is wedding counseling.
However when you turn to marriage counseling, the main target is on behavior, action and doing. And in fact, it's very possible that you could DO all the information, techniques and offered to you by your marriage counselor, nevertheless still finish up unhappy and annoyed with every other. Why?
Pastor and international wedding skilled, Mark Gungor's has one in every of the best answers I've seen. He makes a wonderful purpose that we tend to just don't hear enough. Here's what he said:
"If your read of wedding is flawed, all the energy and strategy you're using (like our marriage can be better if we tend to just do that or change that) can finish in failure...you need to work on your wedding BECAUSE you believe it IS valuable, not because you are attempting to form it valuable."
Did you recognize that almost all wedding counselors do not believe your marriage IS valuable? Many of them have already divorced, thus why would they see your marriage as any additional valuable than their own?
They believe wedding is merely expendable which the kids will be ok. They hold the idea that not all couples are meant to be along that is why they're thus quick to grant up on your marriage.
Now I recognize I'm creating a generalization regarding ALL wedding counselors and I do realize that there are some "renegade" marriage counselors who don't follow these beliefs. However based on the countless "horror stories" from the couples I've worked with over the years, these counselors are few and so much between.
What sort of "horror stories" you raise? Good question.
I understand this may be tough to believe, but many of the couples I've worked with over the years who have attended marriage counseling told me that their marriage counselor truly advised them to DIVORCE!
These couples attended wedding counseling as a result of they wanted to avoid wasting their marriage, not hear from an "skilled" that their marriage is hopeless!
In fact, there have been statistics recently that stated eighty% of marriages that end up in divorce may are saved if the couple had solely received the right facilitate they needed.
And as time goes on...while our divorce rate continues to stay at fifty%, the truth regarding wedding counseling is increasingly gaining additional exposure with new alternatives to wedding counseling taking drugs all over the net.
Currently the REAL query you must ask yourself is this...
If the 2 of you do not believe your marriage IS valuable, and value doing each positive issue you'll be able to to form it healthy once more (marriage counseling not in the list), then what hope can you've got for your wedding?
The rationale couples end up within the offices of marriage counselors is as a result of they need somebody to help them do what they are not able to do... believe their marriage IS valuable. Talk to nearly any couple who has been to a marriage counselor and you may notice them in agreement.
However the unhappy truth is that most marriage counselors simply do not believe wedding itself IS valuable.
What all this boils down to is that this:
Marriage Counselors need to require a good examine their massive failure rate and notice that they're doing a lot of damage than good.
Ultimately, the important reason for their failure to save lots of marriages might have something to do with their initial schooling and education.
Most individuals don't grasp this, but wedding counseling as taught in universities is not wedding counseling at all. It's therapy for individuals.
eighty% of all private apply wedding counselors in the U.S. say they conduct marriage therapy, nonetheless solely twelve% are in a very profession that requires them to take EVEN ONE course on coping with couples, (Dr. William J. Doherty, Minneapolis MN)
Consequently, they prefer to work with every person individually, instead of as a couple.
So my recommendation to you is...
If you are considering seeing a marriage counselor, take this as your alternative view. If your wedding problems persist, you are so much higher off with a weekend marriage seminar or a marriage coach than a marriage counselor.
In fact, do a fast search in Google for "various to marriage counseling". What you may realize could be a selection of solutions that do not involve wedding counseling. And terribly often these alternatives are less expensive, less invasive and not at all emotionally draining - much not like what you may realize in ancient wedding counseling.
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