subject: A Gentleman's Guide To Master That First Date Part 2 [print this page] A Gentleman's Guide To Master That First Date Part 2
Date Night - This Is What You Are Preparing Ready For
The first date is like a job interview, so be well rested. Rest if you're coming after work, or have some coffee to perk you up. To be tired can actually make you more vulnerable to nervous energy. Besides, your emotionals are contagious and will set the tone for the rest of the date.
Be sure to be a gentleman and offer to pick her up. If she refuses and would rather meet you instead, respect her privacy. Do not take it personally! Be courteous by getting there on time. Bring her a modest gift - seasonal flowers are good, or some tasty treats. If you pick her up, don't smoke before you reach her home. She'll think she set foot into a freight train rather than a romantic chariot to whisk her away.
A heartfelt compliment is a nice strategy to break the ice. Tell her that she looks beautiful, but always keep the compliments suitable. You hardly know each other! Do not comment on her legs or, ahem, specific parts of her body. She is aware you're going to check her out, but do it discreetly. Don't leer or look creepy. You'd think men would know by now, but a dude I know almost got slapped on a first date. And after he confessed to me what he said, he deserved it.
When you get to the restaurant, either use valet parking, or do remember where you parked - write it down, or ask her to help you remember. Don't consider "winging it" later, because if you're going in circles in the parking lot, you'll look clueless. Finally, open the door and pull out the chair for her - you are just being charming, not anti-feminist!
At the Restaurant/Conversation Starters
It is ok to recommend items on the menu, especially in the event you are familiar with the restaurant but she does not, but don't order for her. Coming off as somebody who is in control of himself is really a great aphrodisiac, but being controlling isn't..
No roaming eyes. Do not check-out the waitress or the ladies at the bar. Pay attention to your date all the time and don't answer your cell phone - always keep it on silent instead. You can always check your emails and messages when your date uses the ladies room. In the event you pull out your mobile device at the table, not only do you risk sending the message that she's boring you, it is also inconsiderate.
One of the greatest stumbling blocks on a first date is to find common ground to talk about - luckily, latest events are a great way to get the conversation going. Brush up a bit on contemporary affairs, movies, and the arts before your date, but this may only get you so far. Hopefully, you will move into deeper territories.
Let's suppose she asks about your last relationship? Don't panic! It's ok to talk about your ex-girlfriend, even if it dooes not end well- but your date doesn't need to be told at this moment. Don't be spiteful, do not linger, and don't get emotional. Acknowledge the relationship, respect the lessons learned and move on to another subject..
On that note, check your emotional baggage before you leave home. The first date is not the night time to talk about your cheating or alcoholic ex, manic depressive oldsters and troubled childhood. You shouldn't be fake, but you can save these topics for later dates when it looks like you're becoming closer together. Initial impressions make a difference and you don't want her to label you with negative opinions on your first outing.
Don't be concerned if at some point the conversation moves a little slowly. Date conversations can be a little awkward, simply because you're trying to make an positive impression on each other. When you talk about your work and your individual interests, come off as passionate to maintain her interested. This is also a great opportunity to impress uopn her that you're a great provider, but you will want to be subtle. Let's say you adore your work in the medical field. Although she might not have any medical knowledge, she will still appreciate that you simply are passionate about it. Don't be cocky - confidence in a man is very sexy, arrogance never is.
During the course of dinner, remember to give her a opportunity to talk about herself and ask you questions. When it's your turn, ask questions that require answers that are not a simple yes or no. For example, her professional goals, or why she enjoys a certain genre in beats. Think of the conversation in percentages. In the event you can manage to split the conversation 50/50, that would be perfect. If not, aim for a minimum of 60/40, 60% about your self - because you asked her out, so it's ok to take the lead here, and 40% about her. Oh, and watch the alcohol. Sip the wine, don't guzzle. You should expend more time looking at it than drinking it, particularly if you're driving her back home.
Watch Her Body Language
Does she interact with you? Lean closer? Look into your eyes often? Laugh? Maybe she comes up with excuses to touch you - those are all great signs! She's letting you know that she's having a great time and that she's interested. If you discover her looking off into the distance or fiddling with the utensils, that's bad signs warning sign. And the deal breaker here is - if she's dead silent and fidgets in her seat.
Most ladies will go to the ladies room to freshen up at some point during the evening. However, if she leaves the table multiple times, especially if she told you that she spotted a friend in the room, goes off to pay a visit to and then takes her time, that is a fairly significant indicator that she's not into you.
A date is really a meeting of the minds - and hearts. You shouldn't have to do all the work to keep it going and - always keep her entertained. If she's not holding up her end of the date, your attention and wallet are better spent somewhere else.
If something happens unexpectedly during the date - maybe a spilled glass of wine or an over-cooked steak, laugh it off and don't make a fuss. If you are impolite to the wait staff, or appear as short-tempered or petty, she's likely to end the evening quickly, in fact, she may not even sit through dessert! Likewise, if someone cuts you off while you're driving, just ignore it. Road rage is a major deal breaker and you'll come across aggressive and wacko..
Finally, be sure you pay for the date even if it didn't work out, be a gentleman - you asked her out. Watch out with cigarettes, alcoholic beverages and coffee flavored drinks during the evening, because they leave a strong aftertaste, so drink something neutral to wash down the taste and have a mint, if you might be in for a good night kiss.
Ending the Night and When to Call
If you had a great time, let her know by telling her honestly and sincerely. Thank her for her company. In the event you tell her you will call, you must follow-through and really call her in a day or two. Truly, it's ok to call her. Just don't get a little obsessive and leave her multiple voicemails and three texts by the next morning..
Most women appreciate the thoughtfulness of a call a day or two later. She's not going to believe that the first date automatically gave her girlfriend status over you. But you've got to be very clear about why you're calling. It is important not to send mixed signals, or leave things open to interpretation. Tell her that you had a great time and that you want to see her again. If she accepts, be sure to pace your contact with her until you see her once more - she agreed to a second date to get to know you even better, but she didn't give you permission to call her each and every day until you meet again, so don't mess up a good thing while you have it.
And what about the first kiss? Take a look at my next write-up on Should You Kiss or Hug After the very First Date. Generally, a hug along with a fast kiss on the cheek is a nice way to end an evening that went well. It's not too forward, so long as she appears to be comfy.. If you didn't feel the chemistry, that is fine. Don't make any promises - and you must resist the temptation to tell her that you will call her, when your gut dreads it. You would like her to always remember you as a masculine man and a gentleman, not a wimpy lying dirt-bag. Just thank her for an pleasant evening and say goodnight.
Now that you've gotten all of the tools you need to do well at your first date - it is time to get out there, big shot.
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