subject: What Men Wished Women Knew About Them [print this page] What Men Wished Women Knew About Them What Men Wished Women Knew About Them
After all this time, why do women still have such a difficult time understanding men?
Men and women are different. Our brains are wired differently, our hormones are different, and our emotional needs are different. What usually happens is that men do for women what men need and women do for men what women need. We tend to give what we want to receive. So, in the case of relationships, do NOT do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
What are some of the most important things that men really wished women knew about them?
Appreciation: A man wants a woman to know that he wants to make her happy. If a man feels his wife or girlfriend is happy, he feels he is doing something right. Men tend to be goal-oriented, so if their wives or girlfriends are happy, they are successful. It's important for a woman to show and express appreciation for the things a man does for her. Thank him for the little and big things he does. If he feels appreciated he knows his efforts are not wasted and he is naturally encouraged to do more. Appreciation fulfills a man's sense of meaning and importance.
Appreciation allows men to feel that their intentions, decisions, and actions are valuable. Men are especially vulnerable if not given appreciation. If a man doesn't feel appreciated, a man can become depressed, passive, and insecure. Remember that for tens of thousands of years, men risked their lives going out on the hunt or protecting their wives and children from other tribes. It was easy then to feel appreciation. Today, with women working, the police, and a sense of order and safety, men in a way have lost their "jobs".
Trust: A man feels he is trusted when a woman has faith that what he does is his best and wants the best for her. A man needs to feel that she can trust in him, that he's a can-do guy. A woman can encourage a man to be all he can be by continuously expressing confidence in his abilities and character. Criticism drains a man of the magical power that love and trust gives him. A woman doesn't have to believe he is perfect, but she doesn't have to make him into a home-improvement project either. When a man feels she believes in his abilities and intentions, he will automatically be more caring and attentive to her feelings and needs.
The Cave: Men need "Cave Time" -- or alone time. Men reduce their stress of the day by trying to forget their problems or working them out on their own. They might need to watch the news or read the newspaper, listen to sports, play video games, etc. This forgetting allows them a way to transition from work to home. A woman needs to understand this need and give a man some space and time. This need for cave time is a normal way a man operates. If she chases after him or punishes him, perhaps because she takes it personally, he will retrieve deeper into the cave. While he is in the cave, a woman can do something during this time to make herself happy. By being supportive, she has put honey outside the cave and not vinegar. After some cave time, a man can come out and be available, caring, and loving to his woman.
The Rubber Band: Men are like rubber bands. They go through cycles of getting close, pulling away, and getting close again. This is a normal, instinctive process for a man, not a choice. It just happens and is healthy. Think of a very hungry man eating a large meal and feeling very satisfied and then not focusing on food until he is hungry again. Think of a man's need for emotional closeness in this way. He reaches out and satisfies this need, then turns his attention to work or some other interest for independence and autonomy. After he is pulled away for a while, his desire to be close again increases. Like a stretched rubber band, he will automatically spring back.
This pulling away should not be interpreted as a negative sign about the way he feels about the relationship. If he is not allowed to pull away, then he may stop, but he may feel controlled and guilty. This can result in his feeling less interested and become passive in the relationship. His independence is what helps fuel his attraction back to his special lady.
What if his independence and isolation happens over a long period of time and a woman is feeling emotionally abandoned?
A woman's primary emotional needs are Caring, Understanding, and Respect. A woman needs to educate her man on what her primary emotional needs are in a positive way in order that she feels cared for and number one in his life. It's the time together that's most important to a woman.
But most women and men aren't clear about what they need or don't know their primary needs are different, and this lack of communication and awareness can cause emotional resentment. Women often feel that they are giving and giving and giving and are not getting enough back. They ask, "So why should I meet his needs?" Men often feel, "I'm doing so much for her and all she does is complain." Men can then give up, believing that nothing makes her happy.
Men and women are different and see the world through male or female eyes. It truly is difficult to understand and accept our partner's different set of emotional needs. Men and women need education on these differences to help their relationships. Men and women desire to satisfy their partners, but when they miss the mark because of their differences, they can often end up in a frustrated state of resentment and feel stuck.
So if a couple is feeling stuck, and a woman is feeling emotionally abandoned, I suggest they read or listen to couples self-help books together. If the couple still feels stuck, then they should always seek professional counseling and get back on the road to better understanding and communication.
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