subject: Why Do Men Fear Intimacy? What Can You Do About It? [print this page] The fear of intimacy in men may derive from past failed relationships, the feeling that they are being suffocated when things start to become serious, fear of getting hurt, or fear of responsibility. To achieve emotional intimacy with a man, you need to understand why he feels any reluctance.
Intimacy could mean a lot of things. Emotional intimacy means emotional closeness. Between a man and a woman, this entails the two persons involved to have a deep level of feelings towards each other. This deep connection is rarely achieved by men because they prevent things from going too far. Fear of intimacy in men and its causes may need to be traced before it could be conquered. If you know where his fear comes from, you will know what he needs and what you need to do.
If his fear came from past hurt or disappointment, he should not let it keep him from living his life. If it is because he has experienced rejection before or his ex-girlfriend cheated on him, you need to open his mind to other possibilities. Not every woman in this world has the intention of hurting him. Show him you are capable of showing loyalty and true love.
Everyone deserves to be happy. If he wants a change in his love life, he may need to change his level of trust. Fear of intimacy in men is commonly caused by mistrust. He must trust a woman, or the moment he starts to feel that she's coming too close, he'll back away. He has trust issues because he has this mental note that women and relationships will only hurt him and leave him vulnerable. And what's sad is that he has made this perception permanent. That's why it already became his immediate response to shut his feelings out and push women away. You need to show him that he can trust you.
It may be true that most intimate relationships that he will get himself into will come to an end. It's not being cynical. It's being realistic. But as much as these relationships would eventually cause him pain when he decides to part ways, there is this one relationship that will work out and she is the right woman for him. He will not be able to find this person if he does not go out there and try to overcome his fear of intimacy. You need to convince him that the prize is worth the effort and pain. Sports may be a good metaphor.
The fear of intimacy in men that is caused by fear of responsibility is quite a different story. He knows that when he becomes intimate with someone in a relationship, there are limitations. It's like he has to plan his life around his partner all the time. In every decision he'll make, he will have to consider how she would feel. In this kind of situation, men may feel boxed in. Men in nature love their independence, and this is one thing that they would hate to lose. Hence, they avoid being intimate with women. If this is how he feels, you need to show him that you are not clingy. Let him know that he can maintain his autonomy while being in a relationship with you. You need to be mature enough to understand his needs and make sure he knows it.
by: Thomas Christopher
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