subject: Dating for parents and advice on how to handle the children [print this page] Dating for parents and advice on how to handle the children
As with so many couples today my partner and I are together after two previous long relationships, in the case of my partner a relationship that produced two great kids. And as someone a little older and now, and I'd like to think wiser, I'm often thinking why it's worked out so well for us and yet not for others. Often my friends and family say it's just because I'm great with children. Well I don't happen to think so, dating for parents isn't easy, but follow a few simple rules and think things through and it can lead to a rewarding new long-term relationship.
As I say I don't I'm special or somehow have a physic way with kids, but I did look to the past to see the way forward. You see I myself was brought up in a house where my mother lived with her new partner, you could say I had first hand knowledge of the kids point of view, both I'm afraid good and bad. When my wife and I started dating, as a single parent I knew she had to feel that this relationship would not cause harm or unhappiness to the kids, and so I had to make sure the kids were content so that we had a fair chance of success in this new relationship, to me the key to successful dating for parents.
So what did I do? Well for one thing I knew, quite rightly, that the kids would always come first, and that meant that their father had to also come first. Yes I know the last thing you would think I'd think of, but I knew making sure that he knew I wasn't trying to replace him was a key to keeping the children content. With him on our side the children wouldn't feel pulled between 2 couples. I set out from day one to get the kids to know that I was never going to replace him, from day one I told them to call me by my first name and that I was just their mothers boyfriend. From time to time they would complain about the long trip up to see him, and at these times I would always sit down with them and make sure they knew just how much he loved them and how much these trips meant to him. Did I like him, no and I still don't , but I know that it's vital to keep him on our side, for us and the children.
I always tried to help out by being ready to always do my fair share, to act as the taxi dropping them off and picking them up from school and scouts etc. From day one I shared this with my partner if I hadn't I knew that she would just feel that I was feeling second best because they, as all kids are, were so demanding of her time. I learned to share her with them, knowing that they would come first and that it was hard enough being a single parent without having a jealous boyfriend kicking off all the time because they were monopolizing her time.
Don't get me wrong there were bad times, but in the end by following a few simple rules all worked out OK for us. Dating for parents is never going to be as simple as for single people easy as it is for people who don't have children, but what I am saying is that if you learn not to try and compete with your partners children, or ex, you are going in the right direction. Ask only for their friendship, and don't think you have to be a new father to them. Dating a single parent isn't for everyone, but some of us count it as one of the most rewarding decisions we've ever made.
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