subject: The Mystery and Misery of Grandpa's Man Flu [print this page] The Mystery and Misery of Grandpa's Man Flu
Just been out painting the front door with a big red crossoh yes, and the words "Lord have mercy on us". If it was good enough for homes during the Great Plague then it's good enough for our house. You see, Grandpa Bob has got flu. Not any old flu, you understand. Not boring Bird Flu or Spanish Flu or piffling old Pig Flu. Oh no, no, no! It's much worse than any of those Grandpa Bob has got Man FluYes! The very words send shivers up and down the spines of wives everywhere, who've been there and got the T shirt to prove that they've survived the experience. Now the thing about Man Flu is that it's much worse than woman flu. Any man will tell you that and keep on telling you that, even as you collapse exhausted after your tenth trip of the morning upstairs to the patient's bedside, umpteenth cup of tea in your hand, newspaper under your arm and a pad in your pocket, ready to take the latest orders from the pampered patient. Man Flu is also a very long drawn out affair as I'm sure you've noticed, with endless relapses, especially when rubbish is needed to be put out and footy is on the telly. Grandpa Bob could put Gillian McKeith in the latest series of "I'm a Celebrity" to shame; with the attack of the vapors that come over him should any unwanted activity be called for that coincides with Match of the Day when a bout of Man Flu is still hovering in the air. Instant lapse back in to snot and cough mode, making sure to collapse on to the chair where the TV remote control is conveniently waiting. But the one thing no man will do, no matter how bad his man flu, is visit the doctor. Dare ye not even utter such a suggestion, missus. There is no way. Wild horses wouldn't drag him, no matter how much he's tried to convince you that he is truly at death's door, that - "This can't be flu; it must be something much more serious" Even as he is pointing out to you the resting place of his will "In case anything happens" He would summon up super human strength to wrestle the phone out of your hand should you lift it up and dial the doctors number to arrange an appointment for him. So that's the reason my friends, that Grandpa Bob's Man Flu is now in to it's sixth week and he's fighting a nasty and truly painful ear infection that's rendered him Mutton Geoff (deaf to those of you not familiar with Cockney Rhyming slang) in one ear. The other ear was, unfortunately, already half Mutton Geoff so the TV speakers are presently at bursting point as he valiantly struggles to keep up with the latest footie match, propped up on the sofa, wrapped in a fluffy blanket and feebly pulling off the arms and legs of the rag doll ref with Velcro limbs that one of the grandchildren thoughtfully gave him as a gift. He eventually went to see the nurse at the doctors, still holding out against seeing the actual doctor. She took one look and gave him a major dose of antibioticsand you don't get those these days unless you are practically at deaths door. Needless to say he's not a happy chappy, but is expected to be well on the mend in the next few days. The question remains. Why is it that men are so reluctant to go and see a doctor when they are clearly unwell? Something to do with the macho mindset it seems and Grandpa Bob is clearly not alone. Statistics show that men everywhere are reluctant to take their health seriously and as a result, health wise, men do worse than women on virtually every score, with 16% of men more likely to get cancer than women and four in ten men dying prematurely before the age of 75. Men use health services less than women and when they finally do their symptoms tend to be more serious and less easily treated than if they had responded more quickly. It's no surprise that men over the age of 50 are twice as likely to be admitted in to hospital in an emergency. So what's a girl to do? No point in nagging it seems, as it just makes them dig their heels in harder about seeking help. But women can play a key role by working with their partners to make healthy lifestyle choices in the first place and making relevant information available to men without pushing the information down their throats. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to dose up my man with antibiotics and paracetamol and tidy up some rag doll referee limbs scattered on the carpet. It's not all beer and skittles dealing with the fallout of an illness in the family. So take my advice and ensure that the man in your life starts to take his health more seriously or Man Flu might be the least of your worries.
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