subject: How not to board a sailboat [print this page] How not to board a sailboat
How not to board a sailboat
To power our inflatable dinghy we've changed our outboard motor for one with gears forward, reverse and neutral. And expensive. Truth to tell, there was very little wrong with the old motor in clear water, but the manoeuvring got somewhat approximate in proximity to other substantial objects.
As many of you will know, with gearless outboard motors there's a degree of chance involved in coming alongside, since forward and stop are your only options. This is because the only brake at your disposal is the kill-cord that stops the motor instantly. Pull it too late and you can guarantee a bouncy landing; pull it too early and you'll end up drifting hopelessly short of your mark.
On one memorable occasion I made my approach faultlessly, as nicely judged as a seagull alighting on a buoy. Sweeping in from the port quarter we arrived safely to almost within reach of the transom-mounted boarding ladder when, fumbling for the kill cord behind me, I jerked it out by mistake. And too soon. Luckily, momentum carried us forward until, with a whoop of enthusiasm, my wife Chele reached across the gap, managing to lay a hand on a rung. Such a brave lady. A truly wonderful crew.
Unfortunately, the ladder was no respecter of pluck. The little tubular legs that held it away from the transom so you don't stub your toes chose that moment to hinge upwards. Chele lurched a further six inches outboard and, unsurprisingly, Newton's third law of motion (that that's the one that says that for every force there's an equal and opposite force) asserted itself. Predictably, the dinghy moved further astern.
Now I must confess that from a technical standpoint, I found the process unfolding before me utterly absorbing. Viewed dispassionately I concluded that Chele's C of G was about halfway between dinghy and boat and that it was only her stomach muscles that were keeping her dry. I must say I found the cries for help a little distracting but there are times when one must rein in one's impulses and make a cool appraisal of the realities. Based on the facts as presented, I estimated that no more than five seconds would elapse before the inevitable occurred. In the event I underestimated her. She held out for nearly ten before the span collapsed and, with a wail of submission, her midships portion sank majestically into the water. Sad to relate that the overall dignity of her launching was not matched by her language which would have shocked a ship's stoker.
Help me out of here,' she demanded, breaking her tirade. I could see her point but, with her legs hooked over the inflatable's tube and her hands still clenched on the ladder, it was plain she had to release one or the other.
This is where I must introduce a technical point. It has been my experience that most people have their nostrils located towards their northern extremities and, furthermore, that they are reputedly useful for breathing. It therefore seemed sensible that she abandoned the dinghy while keeping hold of the ladder.
She was astonishingly ungrateful for my advice, informing me that she was wearing her best going-ashore outfit, that her phone was now underwater in a pocket, and that I should wipe that stupid expression off my face.
To this day she hasn't thanked me for being so helpful but it really doesn't matter. At least it had become clear to me that we definitely need a refine our getting-back-to-the-boat arrangements just in case Chele should attempt the trick again.
Which she did less than a week later, killing yet another phone. Which is how she agreed to us buying another motor.
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