subject: How Do I Offer An Illusion Of Choice? Let My Child Choose? [print this page] Have you wanted to get your child to comply without running into the temper tantrum you know is coming? By offering your child a choice you can avoid the flare ups...
A choice!? you say, why would I want to offer my child a choice, I just want them to obey! Well, let me tell you obedience comes much more naturally when your children think it's their idea!
Use of a technique called a "double bind" offers two "choices" that both lead to the same desired outcome.
By offering your children a choice (or actually an illusion of choice) with 2 options that both have your desired outcome, you can achieve quick obedience that otherwise would be unlikely.
For example, if your child is playing with his toys, and you want him to come to dinner (but you know the demand to come for dinner usually ends up with a temper tantrum and/or a power struggle), you can say to them " would you like to help me put dinner on your plate, or help me to put milk in your cup?" Whichever the child chooses the result is that he/she is now ready for dinner and has forgotten all abou the toys they were playing with.
Not only has your child chosen an option that lead to your desired outcome, but in the process your child feels like a "big kid" getting to make the choice all by himself. Also, if you use something similar to the example above, the child also gets to be involved in the action required, which also makes the child desire to perform.
OR...you can stick with old trusty (or is that rusty) method, and just holler at them that it's dinner time and they better get to the table now or suffer the consequences. (of course you will receive the much anticipated temper trantrum using this method.) So...if you want different results it's time to try a different approach.
Enter your child's world and then give them a "double bind" option. See what a huge difference it will make!
Try out this tip tonight and see if it works for you.
Good luck and happy parenting!
by: Karl G
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