subject: 10 Christmas Songs I Never Want To Hear Again [print this page] It's Christmas time again. That means cold weather, moms fist fighting over the last Betsy Wetsy doll (or whatever the hot toy is this year), and people dressed as Santa standing in front of Walmart asking for money and ringing those annoying bells. As if they aren't already conspicuous enough in those ill-fitting red suits. But even more than those annoyances, Christmas also bring with it a special form a torture-Christmas music. Out of the drivel that passes for holiday cheer, there are a few good songs, but there are some songs that should be shot, strangled, given concrete shoes, and dropped into the east river-if you know what I mean. Here are a few:
1)Silver Bells: Silver Bells isn't a bad song, but when Burl Ives sings it in his off-beat (not quirky, but truly off the beat) way it becomes a special form of torture. Play it at Guantanamo, and you'd have terrorists confessing to all kinds of stuff.
2)Santa Baby: Is it just me or is a pretty young girl flirting with a old fat man in a red suit kind of creepy?3)Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer: When you think about it, vehicular manslaughter is not the cheeriest way to ring in the holiday season.4)The Little Drummer Boy: Pa-rum-pa-pa-pum. Pa-rum-pa-pa-pum. Pa-rum-pa-pa-pum. Pa-rum-pa-pa-pum. Pa-rum-pa-pa-pum. Chinese water torture for the ears.5)My Favorite Things: OK, people. The Sound of Music was a great movie and Julie Andrews is truly one of the greatest singers of all time, but this is not a Christmas song! It has nothing to do with Christmas, Santa, snow, fir trees-nothing! Stop singing it, and stop playing it at Christmastime.6)Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Again, Rudolph is a great song for kids of all ages-but not when sung my Burl Ives. In fact, let's just ban all Burl Ives Christmas classics-Holly Jolly Christmas and all.7)Anything sung by Barbara Streisand: People, wake up, she's Jewish. And coming from her, Christmas songs seem just a bit hollow. Not that I'm anti-Semitic; I'm just saying that you don't see me singing the dreidel song during the festival of lights.8)Wonderful Christmastime: Dear Paul McCartney, I know every musician aspires to write a great Christmas song that will be cherished for generations (and that they can collect royalties on annually) but this is not it. Truly sorry. Love, Christmas.9)Linus and Lucy: Again, this is not a Christmas song. Sure it's featured in the holiday movie, "A Charlie Brown Christmas," but it's also featured in every other Charlie Brown special. It doesn't get played at Easter or Halloween, so it shouldn't be allowed at Christmas either.10)The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late): Chipmunks are annoying. End of story.by: Gunter Jameson
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