subject: How To Get Over Your Ex [print this page] How To Get Over Your Ex How To Get Over Your Ex
As a Singles and Life Coach, people often come to me shortly after they have ended a relationship. Breakups are tumultuous times. They want to get over the ex; they want to be happy again; andthey want to start dating. Before they can start dating however, they need to get over the ex, let go of past entanglements, rediscover themselves, and start on the path of building a new single life.
Did you ever break up with someone you loved? Are you having a hard time getting over your feelings of loss and pain? Getting over your ex can be one of the most difficult stages in your life. Other people may be giving you lots of advice, such as, "You just need to get out there and start dating," or, "You can't trust anyone these days." This is the sort of information that only confuses you and makes you feel worse.
When a relationship starts off with intense expectation, promise, and excitement and then turns to a loss of interest from the other person, it can make your world feel upside down. It doesn't just shake the ground you're standing onyou can't find the ground. If you are still mourning your divorce or breakup, here are some thoughts to help you put your life back together:
Allow the grief.
Sometimes you have to let yourself feel bad before you can feel better. If you've been trying to stay busy so you won't think about the other person, but your quiet moments feel like torture, why not just let it up? Have a good cry. In facthave a couple of them.
Find help.
This is the time you need your friends, family, and co-workers to lean on. It might sound like a strange thing to do, but I promise, it works: Ask your closest friends what you mean to them. They may act speechless at first, but they'll get into it. They know you're hurting. Choose to be around people who will reflect back to you the good they see. There is no reason to suffer through this time alone. Get a counselor, find a minister or priest, and ask people where you can go to get help. Try not to confide in only one friend. You'll exhaust them. You need all the support you can get, from positive, caring people.
Give your focus to you.
Now is the time to indulge your personal care needs. Go for a swim, exercise, eat healthy food, take a nap, plant some flowers, and take walks. When you wake up every morning, say to yourself, "Today is going to be a better day." Stick to your work schedule and just keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Do not make any big decisions at this time, if you can help it. Moving to a new house or starting a new job will be another big stress you don't need. Be still.
De-clutter.
After you have done some of the above, it's time to take some action. Get rid of any reminders of the ex. Remove pictures, clothes, personal items and anything that sparks a memory. Gifts, tokens, letters, and symbols of your time together need to be out of sight. After you box it up, either put it away, throw it away, ask someone to give it to the ex, or donate it to charity. You also want to eliminate their emails and speed dial phone numbers. De-cluttering your life also means minimizing contact with your ex, and their friends, family, and co-workers. You can reconnect with any of their friends and family later, if you want to or when you feel stronger. If you both work in the same place, tell your coworkers you don't want to talk about the breakup. If you have to talk to your ex about anything, draw a good boundary and keep it civil. No histrionics or drama. You'll lose your dignity and just delay your recovery time. If you need to, work through your anger or pain with a therapist.
Rediscover your socializing.
It isn't time to date, but you may find that re-establishing contact with your old friends is like a tonic to the spirit. The time you spent with your ex can now be re-directed to the other people in your life who have missed being with you. Going out with other single friends may also be more invigorating than being with only-marrieds with children.
Use this time to grow.
What did you learn about yourself from this relationship? Now is your perfect time to read, attend seminars, seek wise advisers, and pull your life together. When you do, you'll feel brand new!
How do you get over your ex? Get into your new life. You deserve it andyou can do it!
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