subject: After The Affair You Can Improve Your Marriage [print this page] After The Affair You Can Improve Your Marriage
If you suspect your partner of cheating, you have to confront them honestly and directly. You will only be able to move on from the issue of cheating once you've determined the level of unfaithfulness your partner has committed.
Knowing what to do after the affair has been discovered is one of the hardest things to try and figure out. Possible the hardest thing you will ever have to do in all of your married life. You want to forgive your spouse and it is likely that you want to learn to trust them again, too.
If you still unsure if your spouse has cheated but you suspect your partner of cheating, you have to put it to them honestly and as directly as you possibly can. After all you deserve to know the truth. It is only after you have learned the truth and determined the level of unfaithfulness that you will be able to move on to the task of rebuilding what was lost.
Being angry and hurt after the affair is your right and you should be angry and hurt, but if it means that you are planning to do something to pay your partner back for his or her infidelity, it is better to completely remove yourself from the situation for a time. At least until the time comes when you feel that you are ready to forgive and move on. Retaliation will not help you feel any better in the long run. Besides, you will only regret it in the future.
If your marriage is to go forward, forgiving your partner for their infidelity is the key. Remember to keep it in mind that once you have forgiven your partner, you must NOT keep bringing up the issue. DO NOT use it as a weapon for when you are feeling down or just had a bad day at work. Learn to live with the knowing that your partner is trying just as hard as you are to rebuild your relationship.
After an Affair there will be underlying issues that need to be dealt with.
Married or not, cheating on your partner is wrong. The act of cheating often has more to do with a persons own character and character flaws than it does with relationship issues. Put plain and simply, 'Some people are cheaters!' But if this is not the case in your relationship, you need to come to figure out what the issues are between the two of you that provoked the affair. Professional help is available if you need it. However this step is completed, doesn't mater. What matters is doing this step, for without doing this step, it is likely that your relationship will continue to leak and the possibility of a re-offense occurs.
Work on Improving Your Relationship To Make It Stronger.
Try to think back to when you were still dating and think about the things that prompted you to fall in love with your partner. If necessary, live apart for a time and start going on dates again! Spend only enough time with each other so as to be comfortable and do things together that can make you feel like a team again. Spend time with your kids and friends because they will support your relationship.
A last final thought is to be 100% sure that the affair really has been ended by the offending spouse. A promise made by your partner to end an affair is not the same as actually ending it. State yourself clearly about the fact that you are only willing to rebuild your relationship once your partner has ended the affair and promised NOT to engage in another. If your marriage is to survive an affair this can not be compromised.
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