subject: Child Communicating [print this page] A child communicating with you will do so in many separate ways. We frequently think only of the discussions and conversations we have with children as being their communication with us. However their behaviour is also a very effective form of communication. This is acutely so when they are in an emotional state for which they cant find words right now. For this reason it is an excellent idea for adults living and working with children and young people to pay special attention to the behavioural patterns they see being acted out by children. To get to this point you need to assess by observing interactions between the child and a different person over time.
What keeps happening?
How does it start (typically)?
What happens next?
Then what happens?
What is each person probably feeling at that time?
Then what happens?
How does each the person feel at the end of this?
What beliefs do you think they are both holding at this point?
If you do this regularly you will soon build up a good grasp of the pattern of behaviour that occurs when the child does not have the emotional or creative communication resources to deal with the situation. In this case unhelpful behaviour is the result rather than the solution being found to the problem. This unconscious repetition of behaviour is a communication begging to be understood!
So take a moment and think of a child you have been with for a while and see what answers you come up with to the above set of questions. The point to bear in mind is that the exchange will be unconsciously leading to the final stage where the child reinforces their beliefs about either themselves (see I never get anything right), or other people (see, other people are so stupid/cant be trusted) or the world (no matter what i do luck is always against me/isnt fair). The emotions they feel along the way will be familiar to them - though they may not understand them or even know what they are called. Helping children progressively understand that they have a set of responses and that they could do something different at any point in the dance by asking you for some help can be a way to break the behavioural communication pattern and begin to have direct dialogue. Or you could ask them if they would like you to talk to them when you see the pattern happening and help them change their communication pattern to one that is direct and constructive rather than unconscious and unhelpful. At times it is a step too far to ask a child to ask for help when they are right in the middle of the pattern. However if you set up the agreement that you can intervene helpfully the next time it happens that makes it much easier when the time comes.
by: Ann Henshall
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