subject: Ten Ways To Help You Spot a Cheater [print this page] Ten Ways To Help You Spot a Cheater Ten Ways To Help You Spot a Cheater
Many people want the answer to the million dollar question: Is my significant other cheating on me? Cheating is one of many people's deepest darkest relationship fears. It is the ultimate betrayal of trust; it hurts or destroys the relationship and can put a dent in your self confidence. As if the cheating isn't bad enough, it usually brings along its friends, deception and lies. Cheating can rock the core of even the most stable relationship. It is the one relationship mistake that is the hardest to recover from. You are reading this probably because you suspect your loved one of cheating. I am sorry that you are going through this. I am sure you are wondering if you are just paranoid or if your partner is really doing the unspeakable. I am going to equip with you with some basic knowledge to spot a cheater.
First things first, start with communication. Ask your significant other straight out if they are cheating on you. You have to address this issue head on. It is not fair to start an "investigation" or throw around accusations without first giving your partner an opportunity to clear their name. Wait until you guys are on good terms and explain to your partner your concerns in a clear and calm manner. Listen to their answer very carefully. They may, or may not tell you the truth. If they admit to cheating that is a whole other topic that we will have to discuss at another time. If they say they are not cheating you are going to have to determine if you believe them are not. Did their answer seem to be the truth? Were they able to explain their suspicious actions or did they become agitated and seem like they were hiding something? If you don't believe they are telling the truth then you need to pay close attention to the following information:
1. Change in Routine
A cheater's routine will often change. They will not stick to their regular schedule. They often will use the excuse of "I was working late". If they always use the excuse that they are working late, you could call the job and verify that they are indeed there. Only do this if it is appropriate you don't want to get your significant other fired. (Especially if they are innocent)
2. Cell Phone
A lot of the answers lay in the cell phone. Countless cheaters have been discovered through their cell phone records. So many cheaters have sent and received provocative text messages that they have forgotten to delete or they thought would not be seen. Let me say this if you are in committed relationship your significant other has no business sending or receiving inappropriate text messages. They should not be sending or receiving text message with any sexual content. This is not innocent behavior. They may try to convince you it is harmless or a joke but don't buy that for one minute. If you see any of this kind of behavior you have something to be concerned about.
Can your significant other never be away from their cell phone? A smart cheater knows that you might look at their phone. If they have something that they don't want you to see on their phone, they will keep their phone with them at all times. If they all of sudden can not take a shower without taking their cell phone with them, then you have something to be concerned about.
Cheaters usually keep their phone on silent or vibrate. They don't want you to know if they are getting a phone call or text message. If you never hear their phone ring anymore they are probably keeping their phone on silent for a good reason. If they normally keep their phone on silent, it is probably not a big deal. But if they suddenly started to keep their phone on silent, that would raise my eyebrow.
Remember to watch for new numbers. If you see the cell phone bill or check the call log of their phone and their is an unknown number that is repeated many times, you should find out who that new number belongs to. If you're significant other is having some type of affair there is more than likely going to be some evidence it the cell phone call log or cell phone bill. Note: some cheaters are slick. They will delete their call log and any incriminating text messages. If they constantly delete their call history keep an eye on them and check the cell phone bill because they cannot delete that.
3. Social Networking and email
Many cheaters have been caught cheating via their social networking sites. With technology as accessible as it is now- a- days it is easier to meet and start relationships online than it has ever been before. You need to be aware of what is going on with the World Wide Web and your significant other. Check your partners' page for any flirty comments, inappropriate photos or messages. If you are not involved in social networking and your partner is I suggest you get involved ASAP. Your partner could be doing a whole lot of inappropriate things online that they know you will never know about because you are not involved in social networking. If you are unsure if your partner is on any social networking sites "Google" their email address to find out. If they used their real email address and not an alternative email address you should be able to see if they have a profile.
If you suspect your partner is doing something inappropriate on the web ask them to share their account information with you. Offer to share your account information with them in return. I know my fiance's social networking password and he knows mine (that is if he remembers it). I don't check his account but I like the fact that we know that we can access each others accounts at any time.
4. New Friends
The subject of men and women being friends is a touchy. If you want to spark up a debate, ask the question, "Can men and women really just be friends?" Some will argue pointedly that they can't, and some will argue the exact opposite just as ferociously. I personally believe that if you are in relationship your significant other should introduce you to all of their friends of the opposite sex. That way your partners will not pop-up with any "new friends" of the opposite sex. Often cheaters want to pawn off the person that they are cheating with as "just a friend". They want to use the guise that this person is a new friend, when in actuality they are really someone that they are cheating with. If your significant other all of sudden gets a "new friend" that they are spending a lot of time with, you need to watch that situation very carefully. Ask to meet this new friend. If your partner is hesitant or refuses for you to meet this" new friend", or if this "new friend" doesn't want to meet you, something isn't right.
5. Less Affection
Has your partner started showing you less affection? Do they generally just seem less interested in spending time with you? Do they seem distance? If someone is cheating they are giving some of their affection and attention to someone else, so there is going to be less left over for you. New Love's resident male advisor "Cold Train" says that when a man is cheating he will start to exhibit a "don't care" attitude toward his partner. A little fight could turn into a reason to break-up because the man is less devoted to the relationship because he knows someone is waiting in the wings. Take note of the affection that your partner is giving you. If there is less affection coming your way, you might have something to be concerned about.
6. Accusations toward you
A cheater often likes to use smoke and mirrors to distract you from their cheating ways. They like to play the victim when in actuality they are the perpetrator. If you follow the first thing I suggested (ask them if they are cheating) in this article which you should and your partner starts to accuse you of cheating, watch out. I have heard it said many times before that a cheater will accuse their partner of cheating or get very angry and defensive when asked if they are cheating. If he or she accuses you of cheating they may be trying to project their guilt on to you.
7. Cheated in the past
I can't say I agree with the statement "Once a cheater, always a cheater" a 100 percent of the time. I do believe that a cheater can be reformed if they truly want to change and are sorry for their actions and not just sorry that they got caught. Our resident male advisor "Cold train" (a reformed cheater) told us that when he was caught cheating in the past he was just sorry he got caught and not sorry he cheated. It really hurts to think that a loved one would cheat on you after you gave them a second chance. Shouldn't they be appreciative that you gave them your trust and love again after such an offense? Let me be honest here. Some people think because that you gave them one chance after they cheated that you will keep giving them chances. Some cheaters see you giving them a second chance as a sign of weakness on your part. Before anyone gets mad let me say that this is not true of all former cheaters. Some people that have cheated are truly remorseful and are appreciative of a second chance. But all cheaters are not remorseful. So, if your loved one has cheated on you before I wouldn't put it pass them to do it a second or third time. If they have cheated on you more than once I am inclined to say that they are not remorseful. Remember the old adage: "you hurt me once shame on you, you hurt me twice shame on you." You don't deserve to be cheated on. There are still faithful people out here so don't settle for a relationship full of infidelity and lies, you deserve better!!!
8. New Habits
Does your partner suddenly have different taste in music or clothes? Have they wanted to try things romantically that they never seemed interested in before? Has their lovemaking style suddenly changed? If they are spending a lot of time with a new person they may begin to pick up their habits and interests. Often when you spend a lot of time with someone their ways will begin to rub off on you. Example: If a woman is cheating with a golfer she may suddenly become very interested in golf.
Also, have their pet names for you suddenly changed? If they always called you "babe" and now they are calling you "honey bunches" they maybe calling you pet names that they have been hearing from someone else. Watch out for changes in this area.
9. Trust your instincts
Ever heard the saying "Where there is smoke there is fire" or "If it walks like a duck and quacks like it's a duck, it a duck"? Don't ignore the intuition God gave you. It is there for a reason. If your continually have anagging ever present feeling that your partner is cheating they probably are cheating (unless you are just a very paranoid and suspicious person). Just think about the day time talk shows. A suspicious lover will take their significant other on a talk show because they suspect them of cheating. The host will ask the suspected cheater: "Are you cheating"? The suspected cheater will admittedly deny that they have been cheating. The lie detector test results come in and the cheater is proven to be cheating. Then someone runs off the stage crying. The cheater lies some more and says "I haven't cheated I have been faithful,something must be something wrong with the machine". Out off all the shows I have watched with similar plots, I have only seen one person pass the lie detector test and be proven innocent. For all but one of those couples their partner's suspicions were right.
10. Lipstick on the collar
It may sound cliche' but cheaters still get lipstick on their collars. I will include a couple tell tale signs in this category which are hickeys, perfume, cologne or strange marks etc. If your guy comes home smelling like perfume. Red flag!!! He might say he just hugged a coworker or his mom who wears a lot of perfume. You are going to have to be the one to judge if he is telling the truth or not. I will give the same advice for men who think their woman is cheating, if your woman comes home smelling of cologne: Red Flag!
Note to women: If you only wear nude lipsticks you shouldn't see bright red lipstick on your guy's collar. If your foundation is Ivory 202 you should not see Cocoa Creme foundation on his shirt. Often a lover will leave a hickey or other marks behind especially if they know about you. I think it gives the other woman or man a feeling of power by letting you know that your significant other has been in their arms. Often times they hope you will find out about the affair, because they are hoping that you will dump your significant other and that they can have your man or woman for themselves. I found out my ex boyfriend cheated on me because he suddenly popped up with a huge hickey on his neck. Of course he lied and said he had gotten a bruise from play fighting (True story).The woman that he was cheating with was definitely trying to send me a message.
Good luck, and keep your eyes wide open.
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