subject: Incorporating Children In Your Wedding [print this page] If you have young family members or kids from a previous relationship and you're planning a wedding chances are that you'll incorporate them in the celebrations, but how do you do that when we know quite well that kids can be unpredictable sometimes?
The first thing is to ensure that the kids included play parts appropriate to their age and that they're comfortable.
Wedding roles for older kids
Groomsman/ Junior Maids
These should wear an outfit similar to the other members of the bridal party, and fulfill many of the same roles as they do. They need not attend bachelor or bachelorette parties or showers.
Reader
These ones read a passage about marriage or love during the ceremony. Provide the with ample wedding readings prior to the wedding and have the practice before a crowd of familiar people to build their confidence.
Bride Escort
It's perfectly normal to have your child escort you down the aisle.
Usher roles in the wedding
Ushers help arriving guests find their seats, distribute wedding programs, and run all the chores assigned to ushers.
Wedding roles for preteens
Flower girls play similar roles to bridesmaids of accompanying the bride.
Ring bearer - like the name suggests they carry rings in a small pillow and follow bridesmaids or flower girl procession.
Bouquet holder - hold's the bride's bouquet during the ceremony (expect it to get a little squashed!)
How to make children confident during the wedding
Children might not do everything you think they will during the ceremony - it won't be perfect but it will probably be cute and fun.
My beloved story is the one where the little boy takes the rings up the aisle, but every few steps he turns around, makes a ferocious face and growls at the crowd. The crowd laughs hysterically but no one understands. Later, when he's asked what he was doing, he seriously answers, "Being the ring bear!"
How to instill some confidence in them
Assign them a helper, ideally another member of the wedding party who can keep an eye on them, hang out with them before the ceremony, and take them outside if they start to cry.
Bring a change of clothes for the wedding reception, this way they can eat, run around, play with crayons or other toys, all without fear of ruining nice clothes. Practice walking down the aisle, until they are comfortable with it, show them exactly where their parents will be sitting, consider buying them a book that talks about being a flower girl or ring bearer.
For a child whose parent is getting married, be sure to include them in the ceremony. This may mean asking the officiant to mention their names several times, or it may mean doing a family medallion ceremony, unity candle ceremony or ring ceremony that will include them in the new family that is being created. You could also include the children in your vows to each other.
Reserving a role for a child to play in the wedding often makes a child feel confident about the marriage, especially if they're from a previous marriage. Always be patient with children. They may get shy or uncomfortable but let them do what makes them happy.
by: Greg Savoie
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