subject: What Is Hidden In Online Dating Profile Turn-offs And Turn-ons? [print this page] Online dating site member profiles often have boxes for users to list their Turn-ons and Turn-offs. What you list in these boxes needs to be thought about carefully.
For me, these are fascinating topics. It's probably ok if something which you like - e.g. skinny dipping - does not appear under the 'Turn Ons' heading of a profile you find attractive, as long as it does not appear under the 'Turn Offs' heading - that may well make you move on to look at another profile. However, some ladies have low self esteem in regard of body shape (in many cases without justification). I have been told that the same also applies to some men. So, a dislike of skinny dipping could really mean something else.
Tattoos often appear under the ladies' 'Turn Offs' heading, so if you are a man and have tattoos then you will need to work out a way of handling that in your profile or narrative. There are the usual obvious issues about location of tattoos and ex-girlfriends names, but generally honesty is the best policy. After all, nearly all young navy ratings collect tatoos as a rite of passage. Since their younger days, they've grown up and when some spare cash is available then many plan to have them removed. So, that is a way it can be handled in the profile if you are concious of your tattoos. However, if tattoos are a serious interest as body art for you and you have a greta collection of them, then you are probably seeking a dating site with that orientation.
Tattoos are increasingly visible on ladies, as are piercings. Piercings are not at unusal on men either, though there's only one I'd have done and that would be for rounding Cape Horn - a gold earring on the ear which was nearest the Horn on rounding. One day maybe! Depending which way round I went though, it could be incorrectly indicative of my sexual orientation. I'll have to think about. Maybe one on each ear to confuse the issue!
'Showing affection in public' is often listed as a 'Turn On' in ladies' profiles. This could be an issue for some men, so they will need to consider this if it's a particular difficulty. A few ladies don't mention it, and I've only known one for whom it was a 'Turn Off'. It turned out that this lady suffered from Asperger's Syndrome, and she hadn't connected the two facts until I suggested it to her.
A few ladies are confident enough to list 'Erotica' as a 'Turn On' in their profiles. I avoid it in my own (male) profile as I think it could be seen in a negative light by ladies. I leave it as an item to be explored later (in the relationship, not in this article)!
Wealth and Power appear about 50/50 as 'Turn Offs' and 'Turn Ons' in my experience of female profiles. I do know that there are guys who misrepresent their financial status, but like everything else in a profile, the truth will out eventually.
Financial status though, is a topic for another article of its own, and usually has a profile section of its own.
So, think carefully before you 'go public' with your list of turn-offs and turn-ons - they might affect your dating success. If they really are serious issues for you though (but not serious enough to deserve a specialised dating site), then it is probably best that they are listed. This will ultimately save time and also attract someone with that specific interest.
Of course, discovering someone else's turn-offs and turn-ons over time can be part of the fun of a relationship. The best part though is when you help the other person discover a turn-on they didn't previously know about! If you didn't know it either then that's twice the fun!
(c) 2009-10 Phil Marks
by: Phil Marks
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