subject: How To Take Care Of Yourself When You Are Attached To Emotionally Unavailable Men. [print this page] You may clearly know what you want in a relationship, yet you keep choosing the "wrong" guy over and over again. You know you want love, honesty, commitment and respect, yet all you keep getting are lies, betrayals, secrets and no phone calls. Why is that so? And do you think you have the power to change anything? Find out in this article.
Why is that so? Actually there is a good reason why you do what you do. It's all about your needs. You stay with this person because he meets some of your very important basic needs and you're frustrated and many times think about leaving him because there are other needs you have that are just as important to you that are not being met.
So what do you do? You may decide to take a "cold turkey" approach, cut all the contact with this person and be the "tough one." Or, you may just continue to go back to that guy and "figure it out" what this relationship is doing for you. Either way, this is a hard choice to make especially because our situations are just as different as we are. Relax, you don't have to make that particular choice now. The only choice you do have to make is to realize that this person will NEVER meet your unmet needs, and it is not his job to do so in the first place. It is your primary essential responsibility to meet your own needs. Aha!
How do you do that? First of all you need to know what your needs are. Sounds simple, but it is surprising how many people out there either don't know their own needs or pretend to ignore them, dismiss them, judge themselves for having needs and being too needy and therefore chose to deny their own needs. I am not talking about the kind of needs that keep you alive like food, air, water and rest. I am talking about the kind of needs that if unmet you will still be alive and functional, but miserable. Ignoring those kind of needs will surely not only keep you attracted to emotionally unavailable people; it will make you emotionally unavailable to yourself and others.
Is it really that simple? Yes it is, but as the saying goes, not easy. It will take a lot of courage, compassion, humility and determination to accept the fact that you have a need to be loved, accepted, appreciated and respected for who you are, a need to connect and share intimacy with another person, to be in your integrity, to be heard and understood, to be valued, and be with someone whom you feel comfortable asking to meet your needs. It is not too needy nor is it weak, it is just human. Knowing what your needs are is the first step to your personal progress.
Copyright (c) 2009 Katherine Bouglai
by: Katherine Bouglai
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