subject: Respect And Blended Families - Guaranteed To Gain The Respect Of Your Step Children [print this page] It is a false assumption to think you can join two families and have instant respect and credibility with your step-children. It will never happen. Respect becomes the byproduct of the relationship. You have two choices: You can walk in to your new family and beat your chest and demand respect. Or, you can build a relationship. Would you like to guess which one will work and which will not? Here the 2 ways to build relationships with your step children and gain respect.
Time is the most important contribution you will ever make.
There is absolutely nothing that will have more impact and greater results than spending time with your step children. As a matter fact, this is true of any relationship. If time is at the top of the list, every list, then why is it so difficult to give?
Here is the truth about time - it costs you. It requires you to set aside other things. It means putting someone else first. It is often doing that which may not be on your fun list, especially with young children. But here is the secret, it requires you to have a vision of the future. Here's what I mean - looking beyond the present cost to the future rewards.
Respect will be a future reward when you spend time. But do you understand that I'm not talking about being in the same room or vicinity. This is the interaction and engaged kind of time. Your step children will begin to look up to you and respect you. It's not instant, but it will come.
I was in the back yard with my step son. He is three years old. I had been pushing him on the swing and currently we were knelt over a cricket. We were talking to the cricket as if it were human and nudging it to jump. Out of the blue my step son said, "Jim, I love you." It warmed my heart and I knew all over again the benefits of time.
Self esteem will be the other result of time spent with your step children. Here's why - it says to your step children they have value and worth. Their minds reason that if you will give up your adult things and slide down to engage in their kid things, they must have value. This is big stuff, is it not?
Extra benefit - meaningful time will create a bond both directions. I have written that you will not love your step children the same as your own. While that is true, it does not suggest you will not love your step children. As a matter of fact, if you will spend quality time I promise your love will deepen. It is a given. And their love, which goes hand-in-hand with respect, will also deepen.
Blending families is never easy. There are many adjustments and changes to be made. No one likes change, especially children. They find security in consistency. There are hurdles that quickly surface. If you are not careful, you will find yourself in conflict almost overnight. I am telling you that you can spare your new family much turmoil if you will just implement this one word - TIME.
by: Jim Cunningham
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