subject: Can I Speak To A Mortgage Calculator? [print this page] I really don't have much of a head for figures, especially when it comes to money. In fact it's something of a family joke that if you wait for me to put two and two and two together you could be waiting a very long time. It started when I was a little girl and would insist on giving my change back to the shopkeeper, it just seemed rude to me to take money off this nice little old lady who had so kindly exchanged my pennies for sweets. And Uncles and Aunts used to find it hilarious that I would put money in their birthday cards and try and give them pocket money I didn't seem to get that it was supposed to be the other way around. So of course when I was little older and talking about buying a house there was a lot of teasing about how I'd probably offer them three quid for the mansion up the road or ask them how much they'd pay me to live there. But I'm not really that dim. I do understand certain free market principles and was determined to get good deal on a little cottage close to the family. As no one ever really moves more than a mile away from home where I come from it wasn't easy finding an open house, I sort of had to wait for someone to die first, but eventually there was a vacancy, well first there was funeral, but then there was a house for sale. My aunt Marge was kind enough to ask me if I needed any advice and although I assured her that I was sorted out, she urged me to use a mortgage calculator to make sure I knew exactly what my mortgage payments would be.
I must say I was a little puzzled as to why I would need the services of a mortgage calculator when I had a calculator myself, but after an hour with my basic calculator trying to figure out my mortgage repayments I decided to swallow my pride and walked into town (which took exactly 40 seconds) and knocked on the door of the bank (it was a very small bank in Mr Smith's back office). Mr Smith opened the door and smiled up at me fondly (he'd shrunk to no more than 4 foot 5 by the age of 65) and asked how he could help me. I told him that I needed to speak to a mortgage calculator and I watched his bristly whiskers turn up at the corners of his mouth and the tears well up in his eyes until he spat out chuckling "you want to speak to a mortgage calculator?". I waited for him to stop clutching his sides and his laughter to abate and calmly repeated my purpose explaining that I understood that a mortgage calculator could help figure out exactly what my house payments would be.
"My dear girl" Mr Smith chortled (would the man ever stop laughing enough to talk to me?) "a mortgage calculator isn't a person, it's a something on the Internet, and you simply enter the cost of your property, your interest rate, and the term of your loan, and the mortgage calculator tells you exactly what you'll be paying every month." I started laughing too as I realized how very silly I must have sounded and Mr Smith and I went to find a mortgage calculator on the Internet. I had very strong feeling that I would never live this one down.
Can I Speak To A Mortgage Calculator?
By: Albie Steyn
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