subject: Raising Children Without Punishment [print this page] Parenting is not an easy job. There is the overwhelming sense of responsibility. The knowledge that this is the most important job you will ever do, and the nagging fear that you won't do it well. On top of that, there is the daily non stop job of actually caring for and influencing another human being. It is overwhelming! The good news is that children are resilient, so don't despair! You can easily learn ways to parent that increase the joy, lessen the aggravation and give your children the foundation to become happy well adjusted adults.
Central to how you're going to parent is your use or non use of punishment. Often punishment is confused with discipline. Punishment is using suffering, deprivation and possibly even physical pain to force compliance immediately. Discipline is guiding the child, instilling proper behavior and presenting the child with alternatives meant to inspire cooperation and trust. For instance if you have a toddler who is following their natural curiosity and notices that pouring milk on the floor is fun and interesting, and suddenly they are punished by a quick slap on the hand and a loud NO! What is being taught? Well the immediate lesson is, don't follow your curiosity. A slap may stop the behavior in the moment, because fear can be used as a control, but what is the result of a fearful child? Unfortunately, mistrust, lying, and acting out. An alternative to the slap and verbal reprimand could be to take the child to the sink or outside to play with a fascinating liquid like water. You have then showed your child respect and caring, which in turn fosters cooperation and trust between you. Many parents feel that a child must learn to not be "bad". I'm suggesting that pouring milk on the floor is not bad, it's an unwanted behavior and offering an alternative to the child's curiosity is a constructive solution that teaches instead of punishes.
Children are not born to cause problems or irritate parents. They are born curious, with a drive to explore and learn. All this learning and exploring, can create chaos, demands constant attention, and can be exhausting! This is the challenging work of parenting. We can react, try to control and punish, all of which leads to frustration and acting out from our children, or we can seek out a better and healthier alternative...giving your child alternatives! A child acting like a child and getting into things is not a spoiled, unruly child, but is doing exactly what they are supposed to do. You must guide them, teach them, and respect their process of growing up. It's never too late to become a happier more effective parent and create a more loving, trusting relationship with your child. You both deserve it!
by: Kristin Alexander
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