subject: How to Deal with a Disrespectful Child [print this page] Are you alarmed about your child's seemingly disrespectful behavior towards you and other authority figures? You may be perplexed because you're not sure if the behavior is really disrespect or if it's the child's way of expressing frustration. All children behave badly at times. However when they are defiant, hostile and refuse to comply on an ongoing basis this may be a more serious problem. If the behavior occurs in a younger child and is not corrected, it can escalate and become a much more serious problem when the child reaches the pre-teen or teenage years. At that point, the whole family may be affected. Know what disrespect is and what harmless frustration is. Listed here are disrespectful behaviors that require action; some causes of those behaviors and suggestions on the appropriate actions to take.
Behaviors that should not be ignored
1. Rude-for example, acting in a demeaning manner, calling people names, making fun
Of people, mocking, lack of courtesy
2. Talks back-"sassing"
3. Hits- lashes out and exhibits violence toward others
4. Screams and shouts
5. Ignores-any conversation directed towards him
6. Refuses to obey any demands
Reasons for disrespectful behavior
1. A failure to understand expectations and the hierarchy of authority
2. A feeling of being unloved and unwanted.
3. A reaction to conflicts in the home between the parents
4. An escape from pain caused by family, peers, educators or an inner turmoil
5. Revenge- has been mistreated by an adult and feels he must retaliate
6. Wants to be noticed- is insecure and feels insignificant
7. Was never taught the meaning of disrespect or respect
Appropriate Actions to take with the disrespectful child
1. Establish firm order in the house- be systematic and attack one problem at a time.
Explain why the action is unacceptable, what is expected and explain the
consequences.
2. Be consistent- by all means be consistent. Say what you mean and do what you say.
Don't deviate, follow through. In a two parent household, both parents must agree
and take the same consistent .action.
3. Pay attention to positive behaviors and reward and praise them. Tell him what he
did that was respectful and praise and hug him for it. Praise is five times more
effective than criticism. In this way the child will recognize respectful behavior.
4. Give him a choice and therefore give him some power. For example give him a
choice of cleaning his room now or waiting until his favorite TV show is on.
5. Ignore a tantrum- from a small child if he is not in danger of harming himself. Keep
to your activities, but also keep an eye on him. Do not give in to his demands. When
he calms down, praise him. Tantrums usually occur when the child is tired or hungry.
It is his equivalent of venting.
How to Deal with a Disrespectful Child
By: Audrey J Robinson Ph.D
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