subject: Parents Should Set The Limit [print this page] One of the most important things that you need is authority over your children. This does not mean running your house with an iron fist. Doing that would only make them fear, hate and disrespect you, which is not something that encourages a good relationship with your children.
Parents who are effective in limit setting are goal-oriented. They are specific and quantifiable in their goals when they set the limits. They also set out the expectations clearly for the kid to abide with a clear goal in mind.
How can balance be shown to children, especially when it concerns discipline? It is shown through an explanation of the rules or how you handle any and all indiscretions. For instance, if your child would rather watch television, play video games and other similar stuff than do his homework, you shouldn't barge in and demand that he does your bidding or else let him go on with whatever he is doing in the hopes that he will change his mind and start his homework. The chances of that happening are incredibly slim.
How much help is enough to give your child the guts and will power to do his homework? You can't do his homework for him. You can tell him that you are there to give him assistance, explain things that he does not understand. However, if your child gets hard headed and still won't do his homework, scolding, or even worse threatening your child will actually make things worse.
That's why the parent has to have integrity. He should mean what he says and say what he means. If the parent doesn't do so, the child would have the idea that when you talk you mean nothing. The result of this is a confused child. A child who is confused is a child who suffers from learned helplessness when he becomes an adult.
Parents must realize and be aware that behavioral problems are skill-based or performance-based and not a moral issue. Kids who behave well know how to solve their problems because they have been taught while kids that don't simply don't know how to solve their concerns.
The important thing is to explain things properly to your children, to make them into mature and free thinking adults without having to strike a hand and such. The children will then develop obedience, respect and loyalty to you as well.
by: Katherine Thompson
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