subject: How To Raise Low Self Esteem In Children [print this page] When it comes to low self esteem children can suffer a great deal. They come to believe that they are valueless. This can lead to depression and despair, or in some cases to aggression and meanness. So what is low self esteem and why does it affect so many children?
Children are very vulnerable to feeling that they are not as good or as valuable as other people. This is partly because the nature of being a child means being dependent on others. Therefore, other people's view of them has a very important place in their lives.
Children who are abandoned, mistreated, bullied or made to feel like they do not belong in their families or in their peer group are particularly likely to suffer from low self esteem. Other people's views become internalized so that the child believes in them and comes to put a low value on himself or herself.
Once this low valuation has been internalized, it is more difficult to erase. Moving the child into a situation where he is valued and loved by others will not be enough, because it is no longer just a matter of what other people think. The low self esteem child may believe that he has managed to fool people now, and that's why they care for him: "If they knew the REAL ME, they would not like me at all!"
This belief often persists into adulthood and can blight a person's whole life. They may spend their time trying to cover up who they really are because they do not expect their real self to be accepted. Or they may get into situations where they are not valued, to reinforce their own beliefs about themselves.
Therefore it is best if low self esteem children can be helped as soon as possible. In difficult situations, parents and teachers can help by showing the child that she is still valued even if she is not good at whatever the other kids are doing.
It is important to be interested in what the child actually feels and thinks, so listen whenever they are telling you something about their lives or activities. Watch out for negativity, especially when they are talking about themselves. If they do put themselves down, don't just tell them they are wrong because this is yet another negative to add to all of their bad feelings about themselves.
Instead, point up what they have said and ask if that is really how they feel. For example, imagine that your child tells you that her teacher thought she was drawing a dog when it was supposed to be a cat and follows that up by saying, "I'm hopeless at art." Does she really think that the teacher's mistake means that she is hopeless? What would she say to her best friend if the same thing happened to her?
There is no need to judge a child's experience or tell them that what they feel is wrong. Accept that their experience of the world is valid, but help them understand that there is not one fixed way of seeing things. This can help low self esteem children to open up and see that they are acceptable even if they show what they really feel.
How To Raise Low Self Esteem In Children
By: Gordon
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