subject: A Parenting Guide To Last Through Childhood [print this page] When dealing with kids, if they do something wrong, do not punish them, give them consequences. Consequences are like a time out, being grounded, taking away the phone or car privileges from an older child. This teaches children boundaries, respect, and what is expected of them. Be consistent with young children or they will become confused as to why they get consequences sometimes but not others.
Be a fair and loving parent. Look at things from your child's point of view. Do not always assume the worst of your child. If you show your child that you are willing to look at their point of view, they will respect that. You can say that you understand how they feel, but yet if they did something wrong, consequences must be faced no matter the reason.
A toddler must not hit his baby sister, for example, and when that happens, there should be consequences. For obvious reasons, a spanking is probably the worst way to convince a toddler to stop hitting. Putting the toddler in a time-out spot and saying "no hitting" will be enough discipline for this age. It may not end the problem, but if a parent is consistent about discipline, the child will understand eventually.
As children get older, parents can start to take away toys and activities as punishment for misbehavior. It's important to also explain the reasons for the rules. By the age of four or five, children can reason well enough to want reasons for why they should stop doing something.
When parents just say "because I said so," children are rarely satisfied with the answer. Be sure to listen when children want to talk about what happened and why they the rules were broken.
Teenagers are very complicated people, but they still need clear limits for behavior. When teen break the rules, parents need to listen to explanations and then respond by emphasizing the purpose of the rules. Teenagers hate to be "grounded" so that can be a very effective discipline tool. Another tool is to take away privileges like driving the family car.
Teens tend to get defensive and argumentative, but it's very important to stay as calm as possible. Teenagers are constantly testing the limits and parents need to remember this is just part of developing into an independent adult. Nevertheless, parents can not tolerate the use of drugs and/or alcohol, violations of the curfew, and failure to do school work.
To guide our children to a productive and happy life, we need to consistently treat them with respect, explaining the reasons for rules, and enforcing limits with appropriate discipline.
by: Wawan Hermawan
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