subject: Holidays - Recharge or Stress Out [print this page] Maybe maybe not!
More often it seems as if everyone returns from holiday saying they need another one just to get over it?
Whether it's just time off work, time spent with family or a holiday abroad that you've been saving up for all year, holidays have the potential for any underlying relationship issues to come out. So rather than being a much needed stress free break from work-related and/or relationship issues, holidays can easily end in arguments and disappointment. Last August an online survey carried out by GMTV and Netmums revealed that:
Two thirds of us argued on holiday
Two thirds had between 2-5 arguments
A quarter argued mainly because they had different ideas about what to do
A third won't be going on holiday with each other again next year
These findings are not unusual. Many relationship counsellors report that there is a significant increase in couples that seek counselling in September.
Why things go wrong:
Maybe there was a clash of expectations if you both have very different expectations of the holiday you are going to run into problems.
Did you talk openly about what you wanted from the holidaybeforehand?
Did you expect your holiday to put everything right? If you've been having a hard time, not getting on, you may well have put a huge pressure on a single week away sorting absolutely everything out.
Did you/do you seeholidays as a test? Often when couples are worn out, stuck in a rut or even thinking about separating the holiday becomes some sort of test as to whether the relationship works.
Have you been very busy with the day-to-day? Couples can become disconnected; then expect that as soon as they are on holiday they will magically connect again. When this doesn't happen immediately they get away they panic and put even more pressure on themselves.
Are you a good traveller? Travelling brings out the best and also the worst in people you will have very different ways of doing things, different personality traits, one of you might want everything planned in advance whereas the other might enjoy relaxed lets see what happens' approach.
Have there been issues building between you? Holidays tend to bring out the not so good' things that may have been bubbling away beneath the surface.
So what helps?
Compromise define what you both want from the holiday.
Share the planning and recognise the effort required to make it happen.
Know your limits and be honest about what you do and don't want from the holiday what can you be flexible about?
Trying something new be open to having fun together. You might surprise each other and this can be good for a relationship! Plus you might even surprise yourself.
If you opt for a holidaywith extended family or doing something cheaper make the best of it. Focus on the positives.
Remember bad weather is annoying and you can feel frustrated and cheated but recognise it for what it is. Bad weather doesn't mean you have arubbish relationship.
Don't allow low points to make you feel or say well that's it then'awe can't even get on when we are on holiday attitude' will more than likely ruin the rest of your holiday.
Think about past holidays what worked and why.
Share your memories of good holiday moments.
Adopt a make the best of it attitude and try and show good will.
Lastly if things don't go well, resolve to do something about it when you get back.
Holidays - Recharge or Stress Out
By: Vic Ramlaul
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