subject: What Happens When Your Kid Goes Off To College [print this page] Remember that it is your child in college, not you.
You're not trying to woo your friends and other family members with acceptance to the best schools. This experience isn't about you - it's about your child. Don't overtake the applications process. They need your help, but guide them rather than do it for them. This is a great bonding moment for parents and teenagers, experience it!
Don't push your child towards a school choice.
You may want your child to attend the same college that you did, but leave the choice up to them. Your choice may not be their choice. If it helps, sit down with your teenager and go over pros and cons of each college they are interested in and throw in a couple you are interested in for them. But remember that ultimately, the choice of which college to attend in theirs, not yours.
Be upfront about money matters.
Don't wait until your teenager is accepted at a school you can't afford to tell them so. Have the money talk early on so that you are both on the same page about what you can afford and cannot and what, if any, expenses you expect your child to pay for.
Keep any negative thoughts to yourself.
Choosing and applying to college is stressful for every student. Don't make it worse by expressing any negative thoughts you have. You may not like your child GPA or the topic he decided to write on for his essay, but remember that this is his experience. Keep your negativity to yourself.
Let them be independent.
Once they are settled in college, start treating them like the young adults they are. If they call you because they hate their roommate or resident advisor, resist the temptation to run to the phone and call the admissions officer. Now is the time for your child to learn coping skills. You can offer them parental advice, but you need to let them work out their problems for themselves.
We all know that you've been there and done that. You want to help your child avoid the same mistakes you made. But part of growing into adult hood is making mistakes and learning from them. Allow your child the independence of choosing and applying to the college of their choice. If you really feel strongly about where they should go, tell them why, but still allow them to choose.
Now is the time for parents and their children to grow closer; don't push them away by being too demanding or controlling on the exciting process of college.
What Happens When Your Kid Goes Off To College
By: Nancy R. Ziering
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