subject: Maintaining A Happy Blended Family: How To Know If You Are The "wicked Stepmother" [print this page] Being part of a blended family is not easy; everyone knows that. Often times, we are so caught up with our own thoughts and feelings that we can't see what we are, or what we are becoming. Here are a few ways to determine if you are a wicked stepmother, and what you can do about it if you do fit any of these.
You may be a wicked step mom if:
oYou attempt to make your husband choose you over the children. Your step kids are not your competition.
oYou know very little about what your step kids like, don't like, or are interested in. The last thing you want to do is focus all your attention on your own kids and act as if your husband's kids are in the way. Take time and get to know them.
oYou request that your husband take you out on the birthday of one of his children, and you suggest that he celebrate their birthday some other time.
oYou fail to take note of or recognize the special days and events in the lives of his children.
oYou are nicer and more helpful to your own children. Being part of a step family or blended family means that you are responsible for what the children need when they are there. Everything is not always going to be the responsibility of the biological mother.
oYou constantly interrupt your husband when he is talking to his kids, either in person or on the phone. You are important, but not more important than his children are.
oYou leave the sleeping arrangements to your husband, or let the kids figure things out on their own when they visit. As the step mom in a blended family, you need to make sure that the kids know they have a certain place to call their own when they come.
oYou present your children with a completely different set of rules than you give to your husband's kids. A blended family means blended rules.
oYou won't allow your step kids to have friends over.
oYou don't give his children any "alone time" with dad when they come for a visit.
All joking aside, divorce is hard, remarriage is harder, and being part of a step family is hardest of all. When you choose a man who has children, you are choosing those kids as well. Furthermore, you are promising to love and nurture them as you do your own children. It's true; they may not appreciate your efforts right away. Children are not usually receptive to a stepparent in the beginning, but in time, things will work out if you stick to avoiding what we have mentioned.
Talk with the kids and build a relationship with them. Let them know that you are someone they can come to when they have a problem. There is no competition for love and there is enough to go around. It is just a different type of love that a parent has for a child. Enjoying time together as a blended family is a wonderful thing, but you must allow the kids to have their special time alone with dad as well.
by: Shirley Cress Dudley
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