subject: How "enabling" Hurts Family Intervention [print this page] When does our love for addicted family members become the bane of a Family Intervention? Our "love" becomes a disadvantage when we inadvertently "enable" a family member to keep on using drugs. You may be flabbergasted at this statement. But with our love comes feelings of sympathy - and guilt. We may encourage our loved ones to continue their addiction by running to their rescue whenever their addiction gets them in big trouble.
When Co-dependence Rears its Ugly Head
The longer "addiction" stays in the family, the more family members are drawn into a situation where they find themselves immersed in their addicted loved one's substance abuse patterns. Unwittingly, they begin to form a codependent relationship with the substance abuser. Codependency is marked by an unhealthy way of caring for a troubled person. One such instance is, feeling guilt when you do not go along with the addict. Family intervention, in this case, would also involve changing the behavioral patterns of family members, not only the addict's.
There are 3 types of Enabling Behavior
All 3 types of Enabling Behavior make it easier for your loved one to continue with his or her substance abuse. Remember, the goal of addicted people is to be as comfortable as possible in their addiction. They will certainly use every means at their disposal to avoid uncomfortable confrontations regarding their alcohol or drug use.
1. Providing a comfortable environment for addiction to thrive. How do we do this?
*Keeping mum about their substance abuse.
*Being unwilling to confront them.
*Not alerting authorities when a crime is committed against you.
*Tolerating progressively worse behavior.
2. Taking away consequences actively. When we do something that does not underline the consequences of addicts' drug or alcohol use, we are actually giving them permission to continue with their addicted lifestyle. We do this by:*Taking over their responsibilities.*Lending them money for rent or food.*Blaming ourselves.*Blaming others.*Bailing them out of jail.3. Encouraging their addiction. This is anything that we do to encourage their substance abuse. *Participating in substance abuse with the addict.*Providing them with money to support their habit.*Allowing drinking or drug activities in the home.In family intervention, it is important to understand that "sympathy" for addicts works against the goal of getting them into treatment. Concern and even "tough love" are more effective tools when a family stages an intervention for addicted loved ones.by: Fred Agui
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