subject: Helping Children To Cope Up With A Loss In The Family [print this page] Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal-From a headstone in Ireland
No pain, no grief, no anxious fear
can reach our loved one sleeping here.
To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die
Too well loved to ever be forgotten
The song is ended, but the melody lingers on
Step softly, a dream lies buried here
Your love will light my way,
Your memory will ever be with me
Death is our final destination but no wants to die, even people who wishes to go to heaven dont want to die to get there. No one can escape it because it is the law of life. It is a process which eliminates the old to make the new. When someone dies in the family it becomes difficult to help kids cope up with the sorrow. Its also obvious that the kids understanding of concept of death depends on their age, life experience and personality. Try to explain your kids about death in their terms. You have to be honest and answer the entire question which comes up in your childs mind. Sometimes you will have difficulty and you may not answer all the questions. A child's capacity to understand death and your approach to discussing it will vary according to the child's age.
It is belief of many people that children are very young to understand the meaning of death so its better not to burden them with this thought. The reality is something else, grown up children are well aware of the fact of death. They know that something unpleasant is happening in this small world which cannot be avoided but it can bear by developing healthy attitude.
The following lists some common ways children might respond to a death:
Sadness
Denial, shock and confusion
Anger and irritability
Inability to sleep
Nightmares
Loss of appetite
Fear of being alone
Frequent physical complaints such as stomachaches and headaches
Loss of concentration
Depression or a loss of interest in daily activities and events
Sharp drop in school performance or refusal to attend school
Excessively imitating or asking questions about the deceased or making repeated statements of wanting to join the deceased
Humiliation or guilt over personal failure to prevent loss of life
There are many ways by which you can help your child cope with the death of a loved one: The following list will help you in this matter.
Use concrete terms when explaining death. Avoid terms such as "passed on" or "went to sleep" Children may not understand that these terms mean the person has "died."
Allow him/her to attend the funeral if he/she wants to but do not force it. Let him/her know what to expect at the funeral.
Give the child choices in what they do or don't do to the remember the deceased. Allow the child to participate in family rituals if he/she wants togoing to the funeral or cemetery, helping plan the ceremony, picking flowers, etc.
Allow the child to talk about the deceased, but dont push them to talk about their feelings.
Children can be fearful about death. Give them a chance to talk about their fears and listen when they express their fears.
Be patient. It may take them a long time to recover from their loss.
by: Ravi Jain
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