subject: Dealing With Kids' Anger, Outbursts And Tirades- 3 Strategies To Keep You On Track [print this page] Dealing With Kids' Anger, Outbursts And Tirades- 3 Strategies To Keep You On Track
If you are confronted with kids' anger, there are many ways you can react. You can actually start to physically punish the child or you can start yelling back. Neither of these solutions is going to work but you would be surprised at how many parents still resort to these tactics when dealing with kids' anger, tirades and outbursts.
Let me tell you about two brothers who recently attacked each other physically and their grandmother, who was trying to keep the peace and break up the fight, got hit in the stomach. The reason for the attack was that the younger boy felt that he had no space of his own and in frustration had an angry outburst.
How many times have we felt the adrenaline rush as we are confronted with kids' anger and have been tempted to lash out. That is exactly what is happening here so the first strategy is to resist this urge and to keep calm. Just think of your child's reaction. If he is faced with aggression, well, the situation will escalate. Your job as a parent is always to de-escalate and seek quieter moments to talk and reason with him when he has got over his outburst.
With younger kids up to four years of age, it is a good idea to help them calm down, rather than challenging in any way at all. You can do this by suggesting that they should lie down. In this way, you are sending a very direct message to them to take care of themselves and that you are concerned about them. There is no challenge, no angry reaction and no tension here on your part.
The second strategy is to not to give in because that might restore calm. Well, it might in the short term but the message you have just sent is that there is room for negotiation and the child will now use this for all it is worth and has just learned how to exploit a parents' weakness.
The third strategy is to show your child that you are remaining calm but also that you are having trouble in doing so. I think that admitting you are angry and frustrated and you want time out is not a weakness on your part. It is rather a model for what the child should be learning to do to control his or her anger.
After all, this is what parenting and dealing with kids' anger is all about. We are saying that we too are having problems but we want time, space and we want to learn how to cope with this reaction in a more rational and calmer way.
If the child can see how this reaction is the first step in learning strategies to deal with his own anger, then we have really have taught them at least one life skill.
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