subject: How to Set Ground Rules for Teenagers [print this page] How to Set Ground Rules for Teenagers
Young people who are going through their adolescent years are in a stage in their lives when they are supposed to be learning how to gain independence as well as how to become responsible adults who make good decisions. Parents who have ever dealt with adolescents know that setting ground rules for teens is one of the most difficult things to do. However, teaching them these rules is a way to teach them what healthy limitations are and how to make the right decisions even when nobody is guiding them.
Reasonable ground rules can help teens learn self-regulation and eventually help teens become better adults. Here are a few tips for parents on how to set ground rules for teens:
1. Make rules that have clear consequences - Make sure that the rules you set are clear, reasoable, and doable. Unrealistic rules that are set just for the sake of having rules often don't make sense and only succeed in frustrating teens and encouraging them to break those silly rules. When setting rules, it's also important that there are clear consequences involved. Don't impose unreasonable consequences that do not fit the crime. Doing this will only succeed in skewing your child's sense of justice and takes away the true impact of the purpose of setting ground rules.
2. Consistency is key - Don't uphold your ground rules only when you feel like it. Teens quickly develop a disdain for rules and authority figures especially when they feel that these rules don't apply all the time. In order to drive the point home and also to teach teens how to self-regulate, be consistent with keeping the rules and letting your teens face up to the consequences when they break these rules.
3. Set rules on how teens must communicate - Most teens have a one-track mindset. When they are having fun, they forget everything and everyone else, and they forget the time. It's very important that you be consistent about expecting them to tell you where they are at what time. Consistently tell them that if they see that they missed your call, you expect them to call back within 15 minutes. If they are away with friends, let them know what your expectations are. Do you expect them to inform them beforehand of where they will be and how you can reach them in case they are not reachable through mobile phone? Tell them what you expect because you can't always expect them to know these things right off the bat.
4. Set a curfew - Even if they don't agree with you, setting (and enforcing) a curfew is essential. Talk to your teen about this curfew, agree on a suggested time, let them earn an extra 30 minutes or an extra hour based on good behavior.
5. Make yourself available - Above all, make your teen feel like they can come to you even if they make a bad decision. Make it clear to them that you expect them to call you at any time of the day (or night) if they need a lift home because they drank a few beers with friends. Let them know that you are there for them and though this doesn't change your role as a parent, they'll eventually get the message that when things go bad, you can help them work things out.
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