subject: Getting Through To Your Teen When It Matters The Most [print this page] Getting Through To Your Teen When It Matters The Most
You may be suddenly faced with an acute generation gap. Now that your child has grown into a teenager right before your very eyes but this shouldn't faze you in keeping the conversation healthy and open within your home.
It is true that there are a lot of things between you and your child now. He or she is faced with broader horizons, which affords greater opportunity to try out and do new things, but you have to send out a clear message that your teenager can still keep the conversation lines open between the two of you, especially on issues of a personal nature. How can you pull this off? It isn't easy, but with a few sure-fire steps, it sure is possible.
You have to be acutely patient for starters. Be prepared to have the door slammed shut behind their backs, and anticipate (or prevent) this possibility by really exerting the effort to listen in an active, positive way.
Your teen may be ranting about his or her day at school or why you're enforcing a curfew, but there's something between the lines which you might be missing out if you focus on what's in front of you. Try to bite your tongue and avoid the urge to lash back; your child may be intimating more about his or her personal life than you think, and you'll be surprised at the ease with which you can cut across communication boundaries if you just listen.
Most of the time, when you do talk, it isn't what you say that pushes buttons on your teen and causes emotions to flare up, it usually depends on how you say it. For instance, if you've found copies of adult videos tucked in discreet corners of your teen's room while rummaging for laundry, you won't go far with a head-on confrontation.
Sure, adult videos is an uncomfortable topic between parent and child, but you can stress out your take on them without setting your teenager off on a rebellious sulk by using a mild, yet firm tone of voice. You yourself may have gone through the same scenarios (possession of adult videos that is) during your teenage years; use this experience to see the issue from your teenager's point of view.
Remember, teenagers are at a stage in their lives where they are looking for their identities, and as such, they tend to follow by example from 'cool' role models. You may not be 'cool' so to speak, but if you are consistently positive in everything you do with obvious attempts to bring out the best in your children they tend to follow suit.
Practice what you preach, otherwise your teenager would get mixed signals, and more often than not will tend to dwell on the negative aspects. And even if you are irresistibly compelled to force your convictions on your teen for their own good, make sure that you so it in a loving manner, using positive phrases like 'I only want the best for you' or 'I love you' as an affirmation of your motives. Getting the message across your teen may be difficult at first, but be assured that the efforts pay off in the long run resulting in a healthy relationship, and an even healthier mindset for your child.
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