subject: Should You Be Fun and Energetic, OR Calm and Relaxed...When Talking to Women? [print this page] Should You Be Fun and Energetic, OR Calm and Relaxed...When Talking to Women?
So there you are talking to a woman, and you start to think "how am I coming across to this girl?" "do I sound weird?" "should I talk faster to get her excited, or should I talk slower to draw her in and mesmerize her?"
Ok this is where social calibration comes in my friend.
Think about what you are trying to accomplish when you are talking to the other person.
Would you speak in a calm and relaxed voice in a loud night club to get a group of girls' attention with all the other stimuli going around?
Do psychologists ever talk in an energetic and fast paced tone to build trust with their patients to get them to open up (pardon the pun ) ?
Talk energetically if you are trying to get attention and people to focus on you.
Talk slowly and rhythmically if you want to build a deeper connection/persuade.
If you were in a night club meeting a girl, start out being energetic and animated to get her attention, and then transition to the calm and slow voice when you are trying to build that rapport.
Loud and energetic gets the attention on you and make you memorable, but to take that deeper into a connection, go slow and paced.
fast and energetic = attention-grabbing and keeping focus on you (superficial)
slow and calm = profound and stronger impact/persuasive (deep)
If the interaction is already strongly focused on you, talk slowly and rhythmically; however if there are potentials for distractions, be energetic and animated to keep the attention on you and to get it back when distractions do occur.
Some great examples are go on YouTube and watch some of Leonardo DiCaprio's 1-on-1 interviews, notice how articulate he talks and calm and controlled his voice is.
He doesn't feel the need to talk loud or energetic to grab any attention because it is already focused on him and there are no potential outside distractions.
If you don't feel the need to talk energetically to keep the focus on you and get your point across, talk slowly. Talking fast-paced and energetic requires a lot more energy, it's best to be resourceful with your energy.
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