subject: Living Together In Divorce - The Effect On The Family Unit [print this page] Living Together In Divorce - The Effect On The Family Unit
Copyright (c) 2010 Linda ColeWhen a husband and wife who are divorcing make a decision to stay living together they need to have a clear view of why they are doing it. It could be they want to first sell their house and settle all their debts.But another reason many are doing this is for their children.We all know how the recession has affected families in general with job losses and rising prices. So imagine a husband and wife with a couple of kids trying to navigate their way through a divorce knowing it will put them all in hardship.They will be concerned for their children's welfare, because if they part and live in separate houses there might not be enough money to support them. Unfortunately marriage break ups do not always come with a warning so most divorcing couples would be stressed out wondering how it will affect their kids.There are husbands and wives who can get so caught up in their own anger and resentment they forget their children are suffering. Many times they are used in an emotional tug of war where their parents traumatize them as they tear each other apart in custody battles. When a couple stays together during a divorce for the sake of their children they know that all animosity has to be put aside.Critics of children living with divorcing parents insist that it will delay the grieving process of a child but on the other hand as kids are very resilient they could perhaps be gently eased into the idea of mum and dad eventually parting for good. These children have probably witnessed constant bickering or cold silences while their parents' marriage was imploding. So seeing mum and dad more relaxed and less unhappy would make most kids feel a lot more settled.Should you tell your children the absolute truth about your new living arrangement? The answer to that is YES. If the children are very young they may not be able to understand so it probably would not be an issue but if they are older they deserve honesty. Do not be surprised if they act like it is not a big deal. Children take things onboard, as they see them so if their mom and dad are getting along again they may not blink an eye. It is up to their parents to make the transition when the time comes as pain free as possible.It is truly amazing how the love of a child can transcend all differences that exist between people.Many happily married couples with children are on the poverty line because of the recession and it is possibly the cause of many marriages breaking up. The stress of trying to keep the family unit together in these trying times would be more pressure than some people could bear.As women tend to get custody of their children many men find the concept of being a weekend dad daunting. There are couples living together during and after a divorce because they have both agreed they want to raise their kids together. This version has nothing to do with lack of money it is about two parents who do not want to miss out on their kids growing up. As men are more hands on dads these days they can hardly be blamed for wanting to be there for their kids 7 days a week instead of the usual two.Children who lose one parent through divorce often acquire physical and psychological problems but it is still unknown if children living with divorcing parents bear any long term scars from the experience. This of course is based on the parents providing an emotionally healthy environment for them to growin. Critics believe it is impossible for two ex married people living as roommates to do this but for some it is working.A lot would have to be worked out but if the parents are able to live together in harmony who is to say it is not possible.In the end it is down to the individual family and their circumstances to make their own choices.
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