subject: Positive Parenting: Stop! Take a Deep Breath [print this page] Positive Parenting: Stop! Take a Deep Breath
Your grandmother's vase is in pieces on the floor. Your daughter didn't listen when you asked her to play in her room while you unpacked the groceries, and now a piece of your family history is lost. Here's a good parenting tip for these kinds of moments. Take a deep breath. The key to positive parenting is to take a minute to evaluate what just happened, and why.The key is not to react too quickly when your child misbehaves, no matter how upset you may be.Your immediate reaction will likely an angry reaction. It may be your immediate impulse, but it not make the situation any better. It actually makes it worse because you will miss the opportunity to see what actually happened.So, stop, and breathe. Ask yourself why this happened. If you see the reasons your child misbehaves, you may be able to avoid having your child repeat this behaviour.Young children do not understand grown up concepts, such as emotional value, or negative consequences. They see opportunities to explore, learn and have fun. When they are behaving, their inquisitive nature and playfulness are wonderful. When they are misbehaving, it is exhausting.It is our jobs as positive parents to explain the world to our children, and to help them behave properly.Ask yourself why your child has misbehaved? Did they really mean to upset you? Look at it from their perspective. All your child wants is your undivided attention, and your love.Did your daughter mean to break your grandmother's vase? She likely saw something you loved, and wanted to explore it. When you stop, you may realise you should have moved the vase to an out-of-reach shelf. Calmly explain to your daughter that breaking the vase was wrong, and that you had asked her to go to her room to play.All children want to explore, and they are not born with an understanding of what is safe, and what is off limits. That interest should be encouraged. It helps them understand how things work, and their relationship to the world around them.If you punish a child who has unknowingly explored something they should not have, they may feel that their world is unsafe, and that curiosity is harmful. In the long run, it can affect their confidence in their ability to accomplish tasks, and it can make them afraid of new experiences.Children need to feel that it's safe to explore their world, even when they make mistakes. This helps them grow into curious, bright and engaged adults.So, the next time your child does something that upsets you, remember to stop. The best parenting tip is not to do anything at all for a moment. Don't speak. Don't move. Take a moment to think about what has just happened. Positive parenting asks you to think about what happened from your child's perspective. Don't forget to take a moment to calm down.
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