subject: Positive Parenting: Make a Choice [print this page] Positive Parenting: Make a Choice
Bedtime can be a struggle for so many children. You want to set up good sleeping habits early, but it seems that every night, it becomes a battle. This can be a real challenge when it comes to positive parenting, but it does highlight the most important parenting tip: you can choose how to handle this situationOften, we run on autopilot. We decide how to raise our children without putting a lot of thought into whether this really is the best way for our family.Sometimes we are making these decisions based upon our own childhood. This is the way we were raised, and therefore, we will make the same decisions for our own children.Perhaps everyone we know puts their children to bed this way, so that's what we do, without giving it much thought.Positive parenting means getting to know our children as individuals, and figuring out what works best for them.Step back from your habits, think about the decisions you are making about your children, and realise that you can choose to do whatever best suits your family.Let's look at bedtime. When you put your son to bed in his own room, and it's a struggle every night for him to stay in bed, stop and think about why that is happening. Talk to your son and ask him why he keeps getting back up.Is he afraid of the dark? Is he frightened of being alone? These are natural fears for a young child, and no amount of yelling at him to go back to bed will calm him.Ask yourself why your son needs to go to sleep every night by himself in a dark room? Who decided that was the best thing for your child? Is it because you went to sleep in a dark room, by yourself? Do your friends' children sleep by themselves? Do you want your child to go to bed because you need time to yourself in the evenings?You know that the most important thing is that your son gets a good night's sleep. How that sleep happens is less important than the sleep itself. It's also important to establish bedtime rituals that are pleasant and relaxing, for you and for your child.So, how can you do that? If your son is afraid of the dark, or being alone, why not lie with him until he falls asleep? His fear of being alone or being in the dark likely stems from a need for closeness and a sense of protection.Set up a new routine that involves being together. Read a story, turn out the light, and lie with him until he falls asleep.If that doesn't work, make another choice to change it.The important thing to remember is that what your parents did, or what works for other people, does not bind you. You are only bound by what is best for your child. The important parenting tip is to remember that you always have a choice, and if you make those choices based on what works for you and your child, it will be a good choice.
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